Husband won’t listen about my day

[deafears26]

But I have to listen about his.

DH works long hours in a difficult environment. Think prison services etc, so it can be quite intense although he has a niche role which definitely has its upsides for him.

He will get home and will need to “offload” about his day. Telling me about what he did and the latest upsets between colleagues etc.

Occasionally he might ask a purely perfunctory question about my day but then will immediately say he has to go do something and will leave the room before I had the chance to answer!

It makes me feel like he has zero interest in me, and my function is to simply allow him to offload and decompress. If I question it, he says he’s had to deal and manage difficult situations all day and he’s basically at capacity in dealing with other people (including me it seems).

It’s basically made me switch off completely. I changed jobs a couple of years ago and I remember thinking at the time that DH would likely never have found out about it unless I directly told him, because he never would have asked!

I don’t know why it’s grinding me down so much.

Thank you @EarthSightEverything you’ve said has really resonated and hit the nail on the head

Oh gosh OP this is awful.

My ex was like this. We weren't together very long as a couple but remained in touch as friends. A few times when both in single phases he made noises about us giving it another go but this memory always flashed up immediately -

Me, having arrived to his apartment and sitting down on his couch with a glass of wine.. "so how was your day?"
Him, pausing for a moment to consider.
"Yeah it was a pretty good day. I decided to walk instead of getting the bus as the rain was holding off. I stopped at grasshopper cafe and got an americano with soy milk and an almond croissant. It was lovely! When 8 got into work, there was a meeting already scheduled for 9.30am so I sat down, quickly checked my emails but there was nothing pressing... "

This monologue went on for a good ten minutes. I tried to interject a couple of ticks with questions but he looked irritated then pressed on. At the end, he paused again, then "yeah. It was a good day. And now you're here so it's even better."

Very cute finish. I paused a moment waiting for him to ask about my day but he just got up from the couch and asked me if I wanted go go into his bed for a bit. I did not.

Why are you talking about 'a lot of men' when it's the OP's husband who is a problem? These generalisations are silly. That said, I agree that he sounds selfish and also very boring. I actually wouldn't want to listen to him offload whether he listened to me in return or not. I'm not interested in other people's problems.

@Gahr

I'm not interested in other people's problems

Then that says a lot about you as a person, and as a romantic partner. However, you seem interested enough to comment on a total stranger's problem though, and to then spend your time leaving a comment?

I've been on these forums for years now, and have given advice lots of times. You will notice that at first, I tried asking about other parts of their relationship.

After a while, you start seeing patterns, over & over & over again. So, one can either totally ignore these patterns, or one can take the into account. I've chosen the latter. These experiences that women have are incredibly widespread. They are not 'silly' generalisations. I suggest you take yourself back to Redditt.

@Goditsmemargaret

I once made the mistake of showing my friend's partner some interest in his work, whilst we waited for her. Then followed a 25 minute monologue about his stuffy corporate days with lots of other management consultants.

@Gahr Also, if you'd like proof of how often my advice resonates with posters on here, see the above comment from the original poster - Everything you’ve said has really resonated and hit the nail on the head.

I rest my case.