Can anyone share their experiences of how things worked out when leaving an abusive relationship, staying in the home while waiting for a council property?

[Yellowpink1]

I am trying to find the time to speak to womens aid and refuge, in the mean time can anyone share their experiences if they feel comfortable? With housing, and legal matters but mainly the housing side of things with regards to the council helping.

I am well aware how stupid I've been having a child with this person and also not being married before having a child .

Unfortunately things have gotten worse in the last few years and I told him I will not ever be okay with a child growing up in a toxic environment. Of course he was okay for 6 odd months before I got pregnant. Any conversations I've had with him, I'm told everything is my fault.

We are not married.
We have a toddler
I do all the childcare. He has never changed a nappy, taken child out without me, never does a night wake up, or gets up with him in the morning and so on. If I ask him to do anything he can't manage anything even giving child a yoghurt, he says he doesn't know what one and so on..
He is out with his friends every night all weekend and acts like a single person
We live in his house. I'm a SAHM I no longer have savings or my own money
Been together ten years.
I have no friends
He is very controlling.

Partner is physically, emotionally and financially abusive.

Toddler is witnessing all of this which is terrible and I cannot have him grow up in this environment.
He is already saying things like please don't shout at mummy and you made mummy sad which breaks my heart and makes me so angry.

I called the police in once occasion and two male police officers arrived. Partner lied. Nothing happened. They asked me in front of partner if everything was okay then left.

I wish to ask the council for help with housing I have been on the list for 4 years so far but only on band C and would like to put a request in to go onto the higher band, while staying in the property until somewhere suitable is found.
I do not want to go to a refuge.

I've read some accounts on here of women who have stayed in the home until suitable housing was offered?

Every 2-3 weeks I'm threaten with being thrown out the house, being made homeless. These threaten can be because I've seen my family, I'm not having enough sex with him or because I looked at someone and I'm cheating on him.
He is constantly telling me he will end my life if I fu"k up and cheat then accuses me every 2-3 weeks of cheating. The violence has gotten worse also. 2 occasions on the last 7 months of him grabbing my throat.. because I said I will not stop seeing my family.

Other occasions of spitting in my my face, slamming drawers into my body, pushing me, slapping me all within the last year. Id say these things are happening every 2-3 weeks at the moment.

I don't want to go into all of it. There is too much to list

I cannot stand to be in the same room as him. But I have to pretend everything is okay. We don't talk because he has no interest in me and anytime I do show an interest in something he either ignores me, or makes fun of me.

When he says it's over and he hates me that I'm ugly and a who*e and I say okay il go. He then says oh so you do want to go but I'm not going to let you... He shouts at me because I'm too quiet then another day because I talk too much.

I cannot continue this anymore so any advice is so helpful.

I was in a DV relationship but we both owned the house.. but l still left with my daughter ( not his) luckily l had my Mum and we lived with her for a year then l got my own council house.. Our house was sold and we both ended up with half the equity.. but this was 39 years ago.
Have you anyone you can stay with? You can't live like this.. the council will put you in B&B ...but you will go higher up the list.

OP you need to leave as soon as you possibly can - you are living in a dangerous situation. Can you pack some things and stay with family for a few days while you get yourself sorted? I think you can contact your local council and tell them you are fleeing domestic violence and need emergency housing. Please call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for advice -

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

I don't know whereabouts you live (presumably somewhere in the UK), but if be amazed if you will ever be high enough priority to get awarded social housing whilst currently having a home. You'll almost certainly need to flee to a refuge (or somewhere else that makes you technically homeless) first.

Can't see it in your op, but what's the state of your current house - private rented, social rented or owned? And if owned, who by? If you don't have any interest in the current property, it's probably ot worth staying. And the way he's treating you is terrible, every chance his violence will escalate. Staying is playing russian roulette with his anger.

Hi OP,

Speak to womens aid and Shelter when you're able to. The lines are very busy but they also have live chat. It's best to ring shelter when they open at 8.00
It depends where you live, all councils deal with things differently and it will probably depend on the level of stock they have and people on the list, however generally speaking I think you will need to be in a refuge or other temporary accommodation for them to review your banding and put you in a priority band. (I know it's scary).
However you don't mention if the property is in joint names? If it's only in his name and he owns then tell the council this, as I believe you can be 'homeless at home' but please don't quote me on that, I don't work in housing but I have had to get my head around the system

You might be much better off in a refuge as it means you can leave straight away (it's a long wait for a council property even with a priority band) there's support and you can do courses such as the freedom programme. They'll also help you access benefits.

You might want to get advice from CAB, and any women's charities in your area.

All the best.