AIBU to think this was the start of something twisted?

[ShockedP]

I don’t know if I should have done something more but I have just had my worst online dating experience ever.

I was talking to this guy from a foreign city I was recently in. We matched the day before I flew back to England a few days ago. We had been messaging off and on. I do go to that city a lot so the plan was to meet next time I am there.

He was 34, worked in SEO for a digital marketing agency, very good looking, well dressed in his pictures, seemingly personable and had good conversational skills. A rare find on there tbh

Last night was probably the longest chat we had had, it was going back and forth talking about anything and everything and initially it was fun. But gradually I started to realise he was slightly off.

First it was little things like using too many of these 😂😂 emojis when what he was saying wasn’t that funny. I’ve noticed the men who do that end up a being a bit too crazy and not in a good way. He seemed fairly reserved then slowly was becoming a bit too hyper.

And then when I asked why his 4 year relationship ended the only thing he could point to was because she kept sunbathing topless on the beach in front of his friends.

I said did you have any other problems with her? And he said she also swam naked in lakes or something.

I don’t go topless myself, but it seemed weird how fixated he was on this one thing when he didn’t seem a particularly conservative man.

I could only guess she must have dumped him, because he had nothing of substance to say about their breakup or against her . He said she was “not serious” in terms of her personality.

He asked if I like younger men lol he’s only 5 years younger. I just said not too young and not too old and that I prefer men around my age. Hint hint - you ain’t that young dude!

Then I asked him how old was his last ex. She was 24.

Hmm so he was 30 and she was 20 when they got together. That did put me off tbh while I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at 34 and 44, to me 20 and 30 is questionable.

It makes me question why a grown man went for a young woman so close to teenage years when he’s 30. Especially because he was essentially complaining she was “not serious” .

It annoys me when older men go out of their to date younger women, not long out of school then complain about their lack of maturity. I did point that out to him.

But I also thought it could’ve just been a coincidence and it is not that he targeted a 20 year old specifically. Because he was talking to me and I was older than him.

Then out of the blue he said his first girlfriend was a “little girl”. Now I thought he was referring to the “not serious” topless bathing loving 24 year old and I was like yeah early 20s is so young. But I was still uneasy that he had described her that way.

He says “no, I mean my very first girlfriend”.

I said how old were you then? He said 20.

I was going to change the subject away from exes but something stirred in me and told me I needed to ask how old was this first girlfriend. Now I assumed he was going to say 16 and the red flags were already forming. Then he comes out and say 12.

12 he dated (abused) a 12 year old old 🤯

note, I am using google translate for a lot of this as I am a beginner only in his language. But obviously he just typed out 12 so there could be no mistake.

I eventually asked him neutrally - so you are saying as a 20 year old man you chose a 12 year old child to “date” (abuse)?

I was trying not to react so I could draw it out of him.

But he must’ve realised my disgust and kind of backtracked and said he only “dated” her for 5 weeks and they didn’t do anything sexual.

Even if that’s true I definitely think they must have at least kissed and it’s still utterly horrifying.

I asked him one final question “what did you see in a 12 year old child?”

His answer “at that time she was the only one who would listen to me.”

What a creep. I felt like crying for this child.
I don’t know if he done anything illegal as he supposedly didn’t sleep with said 12 year old but he “dated” ie. Preyed upon a child. I am sure it would have went that way if he had hung about a little longer.

I couldn’t pretend not to be disgusted any longer so I immediately blocked and reported him. My reason given was “ he said he dated a 12 year old” I doubt anything can be done but I just wanted to report him to someone at least.

AIBU to think this could have been the start of something very twisted? He felt comfortable to tell a complete stranger he dated a 12 year old.
What was the motivation for this I wonder 💭 And what else would he have shared as time went on?

If I had talked more maybe I could’ve got more out of him , enough to share with authorities in his country , but I just couldn’t stomach it any longer.

Sometimes I watch true crime about an abusive couples with strange illegal “kinks” and I wonder how did they find out about each other being so perverted? Who told who first? How did they figure out the other person was a fellow creep and it was safe for them to disclose these desires too?

It has kind of made me sick that he felt he could disclose that to me, especially on the same evening I had shared that I work with kids as part of my freelance work.

It’s just terrifying the type of men that are out there hiding in plain sight. His hard drive wants checking.

Where was he from? Some countries are disgusting and care little about young girls, even marrying them off to older men against their wishes. If this guy was even real and not a catfisher, he either had paedo tendencies or he was someone with a kink for winding women up. In future cut them off at the first red flag so that they don't have chance to create bunting.

Really? You can’t imagine I would want to talk to a guy who had interesting conversation and aside from the references to his ex gf was talking about museums and books and things we had in common?

Yes, he said a couple of offbeat things (topless bathing) before they but as I said he had good chat.

Until he said THAT thing and then i unmatched a minute after that.

Not a comment about what he said though? Right no longer responding to these type of posts. It’s victim blaming at this point.

Oh man

It was Spain. And yes he was white Spanish.

Helpful.

I understand. It can feel quite confronting. Of course we don't know whether any of it was true but that is irrelevant. It's an odd thing to say to a stranger even if it isn't true.
Going forward, I'd disengage at the first instance you feel something off. I chatted to a bloke last summer who picked a remote nature spot for the first date and insisted that "we go in one vehicle"... And then tried to sell it to me as traditional charm of a man looking after his date by not letting her drive.
He may or may not have been an axe murderer but I had no interest in finding out.

Edited to add that his behaviour is not your fault or acceptable. Unfortunately it’s the world we live in and we need to do whatever it takes to protect ourselves.

Yes fair enough.

I honestly think it’s difficult to tell.

This man is in a different country and you don’t speak his language. I’d be concerned about what he said but it’s really impossible to say whether it is “sinister”, a wind up or a bit lost in translation. Plus if he really was up to no good part of me doubts he’d be openly confessing it to a complete stranger.

I would try to move in TBH.

Yeah I usually block earlier but I admit I was charmed by the earlier chat we had I guess and looking forward to seeing him when I went back to that city.

I did block the first evening it went downhill though at least.

Yes you do get that feeling sometimes lol are they just creeps or are they killer creeps? lol

I had one man invite me to his house to watch movies recently. 🫣 blocked!

I had another guy invite me to stay at his house instead of my hotel once when I was at another UK city for work. I was like why the heck would I do that? I am sure he had plans to finish me off..

You did the right thing. Whether he’s an abuser or a fantasist he’s a major red flag. Report, block, move on.

Yes block report and move on is right. And repeat! What a horror show that was though.

I just needed a moment to recover from the shock but I had deactivated my account already.

I say deactivated but it’s still open for chat with existing matches, it’s just the profile is hidden so I cannot get new matches.

@Halfthethrill What!? Did we read the same thing??? It made me feel sick 😫

did you read my very next post?

I can’t fathom carrying on after someone said their relationship ended because their girlfriend liked sunbathing topped but each to their own I gues.

This

this as well.

If he is a fantasist it is equally disturbing. Who fantasises about dating a 12 year old. It makes my skin crawl.

A pp or more has said I was talking a lot pre-meeting but I just wanted to address this once and for all to say this is how OLD dating works for many people.

You match and you have a few online chats, maybe a pre-date call - and you meet in a week or two or whenever.

I wish I never matched with him to begin with but given I did, I am actually glad I am chatted to him that much actually. If I had not, maybe I would have stuck to the planned date and found out how deviant he was in person.

I have never had a bad first date on OLD and that’s partly because I do try and get a sense of them before I meet. Of course IRL is where you meet the real them but clearly you can filter out some wrong uns sometimes through messaging/calls in advance of the date.

I met my last long term boyfriend on an app and we had chatted and had calls for weeks before we met up finally as I was travelling for work. Didn’t work out in the long term clearly but he was a lovely guy.

someone asked who did I report him to, I just pressed “Block and report” as we were on the app.

Dating a 12 year old at 20 is pretty grim. Blocking him was right. I don't know that I'd leap from there to Peter Sutcliffe or Fred West, though, it's bad enough as it is.

Who the hell pretends to be a sexual predator of children as a wind up? That in itself is a red flag and shows a particular mindset.

No you didn’t. You interacted and carried it on.

you fed his fantasies if he is that sort of person.

In my experience, they enjoy talking about it. Whatever it is the kink in their life they’re just absolutely desperate to tell you about it.
Don’t listen to it
As others have said the minute the topless sunbathing crap was disclosed. That was your queue to Block.

Kindly, you might need to talk to someone.

I find it really bizarre that people talk about speaking to and having conversations with someone when it's nothing of the sort. Is this virtual land of text relationships where we are headed?

Exactly.

I’ve honestly never had half the crude things some women have said men say to them online. My chats online have been fairly tame so far.

Usually my issue is a guy not asking enough questions or not seeming to actually want to meet or the chat isn’t flowing . I did not expect that kind of disclosure to come up ever.

Oh FFS, OP has had an experience which, understandably, unnerved her, and she's come here to offload and gather some opinions or support. What is wrong with that?

OP, you're right, he sounds like an utter weirdo and potential/likely paedo who is looking for someone to share his perverted fantasies with. You did the right thing thing (block and report).