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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn't care

7 replies

Reyrey1 · 14/01/2026 14:47

Will try and keep brief. A long one with a lot of details but basically my husband and I are having problems. I feel emotionally neglected, he doesn't pay me attention, no sex life, no compliments, always wants to get out of house. Makes plans with a new bestie (bloke) down pub every week and chat to him for ages on phone but I get nothing. Or he's always working. Financially, I get all support I need as I only work about 10 hours a week. Apart from that, I feel we are living together and are stuck with each other. I know longer love him but have been with him 18 years and have never been in another relationship (I'm 37) we have an asd son who doesn't go to school so added stress and worry of him is playing a part. This morning he shouted at me (he has snapped a few times this week and I purposely haven't shouted back) said he cares about my son's mental health and doesn't care about me and that basically he blames me for my son being ike he is (asd, anxiety) I feel like a complete failure as it is. Just hopeless, nothing to look forward to. Beat myself up everyday. No sorry, no apology from him. Feel completely un supported. To dig knife in wound, he started talking to me later about his new job and how they want him to say something about himself in a newsletter and had the audicty to ask for my input. His little speech read something nice about kids, proud dad etc and about his hobbies, interests. Only mention I got was that he said he was a husband. I feel so desperately lonely and unhappy and I want out, I feel there is no recovery but I am pretty much financially dependent on him, for mortgage and bills anyway.
Just need anyones opinions even if I'm in the wrong please help

OP posts:
Endofyear · 14/01/2026 17:31

This is no life for you OP, living with a man who doesn't care about you and is rude and nasty to you. You don't love him but feel trapped - you're only 37, you deserve a chance at a happier life! If I were you, I would go to Citizen's Advice and get some financial information about what you'd be entitled to as a single parent. Then I would see a solicitor - your home is a marital asset, you have a dependant child with additional needs so you can expect a decent settlement in divorce. Do it for yourself - you deserve so much more than this miserable life. Think how nice it would be to live in peace without him!

Ddayishere · 14/01/2026 17:34

Your confidence sounds really low OP. Of course you aren't in the wrong.

Your H sounds really unpleasant It sounds as though he has checked out of the marriage.

I agree with @ Endofyear.
You should seek legal advice because there's got to be a better life for you out of this marriage.

ginasevern · 14/01/2026 18:14

Get legal advice OP. Your financial situation might not be as bad as you think. Are you sure he's meeting a "bloke" at the pub and chatting for hours on the phone with? That aside, you can't continue like this and a miserable home life won't help your son.

Reddog1 · 14/01/2026 19:41

This is a miserable way to be living OP. I think you should have a chat with a solicitor.

Original poster
Reyrey1 · 14/01/2026 19:58

ginasevern · 14/01/2026 18:14

Get legal advice OP. Your financial situation might not be as bad as you think. Are you sure he's meeting a "bloke" at the pub and chatting for hours on the phone with? That aside, you can't continue like this and a miserable home life won't help your son.

It's definitely a man, we know him. I hear them on phone. That's no concern of mine but the way he talks to me just rings alarm bells. Always has done. When I have tried to talk over the last few years about the lack of attention, I used to get "ill try better" now all I get is "this is me, I can't change so take it or leave it" so there's no effort at all from him now. Or he turns it all round on me and it's my fault. I just feel he's abusive but not in an obvious way, gets angry very quickly and nothing major but it just is eroding my confidence. Says little things like I'm 'embarrassing' when we have arguments and a couple of years ago said "good luck getting someone else coz you're not getting anyone better than me" hard to write every little thing he says and don't get me wrong, when were good, we're fine. We laugh together.... But that's all we are. Friends. Just don't feel I have a husband anymore and I am nowhere on his list of importance as clearly shown today

OP posts:
ginasevern · 15/01/2026 12:11

Reyrey1 · 14/01/2026 19:58

It's definitely a man, we know him. I hear them on phone. That's no concern of mine but the way he talks to me just rings alarm bells. Always has done. When I have tried to talk over the last few years about the lack of attention, I used to get "ill try better" now all I get is "this is me, I can't change so take it or leave it" so there's no effort at all from him now. Or he turns it all round on me and it's my fault. I just feel he's abusive but not in an obvious way, gets angry very quickly and nothing major but it just is eroding my confidence. Says little things like I'm 'embarrassing' when we have arguments and a couple of years ago said "good luck getting someone else coz you're not getting anyone better than me" hard to write every little thing he says and don't get me wrong, when were good, we're fine. We laugh together.... But that's all we are. Friends. Just don't feel I have a husband anymore and I am nowhere on his list of importance as clearly shown today

Show quote history

OP stop kidding yourself, he is definitely not your friend. A true friend wouldn't humiliate and abuse you like this. You are nothing to him, except perhaps a house keeper and cook. It might even suit his "image" to say he's a married man, rather than a divorced man. You are not on his list of importance and if this is the price of marriage then you'd be better off on your own. Like I said, please get legal advice and try to gather as much info as you can about finances (his pension etc) but don't tell him what you are doing.

WelshRabBite · 15/01/2026 12:47

Could he be gay?

He’s spending an awful lot of time and emotional energy on his “friend”, plus you’re not having sex, he’s frustrated with you etc.

Does he come from the kind of family that would expect/want him to be heterosexual?

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