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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I crazy?

14 replies

TheWaryDreamer · 14/01/2026 12:06

So he cheated 2 years ago, all resolved don’t want to go into the details. He worked with her and has done ever since absolutely no issues no red flags whatsoever, we’ve worked hard and all issues resolved. I found out that he had unblocked her on social media, now it’s weird as them working together doesn’t make me uncomfortable but the unblocking has. In my head I’m thinking it’s like opening up that line of communication again. He hasn’t messaged her or followed / have her as a friend on anything. I asked why and he didn’t “he didn’t realise he had and couldn’t remember” - obviously a lie. So now I’m thinking either a) he’s over it unblocked her as he was trying to help his mate to see if his mates ex wife has him blocked on WhatsApp as they have kids together saw her name and unblocked her as it was a long time ago
b) is an idiot and just did it not thinking and then realised I found out and he just fobbed me off (very much like him struggles to admit when caught out even about silly stuff)
c) wants to get her attention and open up the communication (I’m not sure on this as no messages no follows etc and behaviour with me hasn’t changed at all still perfectly normal where previously I could tell the difference very easily)
d) is wondering if she will message and reach out make some form of contact (he would definitely do this) ego boost he’s cocky and would think this is funny as she’s still hung up on him

any ideas???

OP posts:
Thebigfellaisnowsnoozing · 14/01/2026 12:09

Best idea is dump him and leave him dumped....

Ddayishere · 14/01/2026 12:14

all resolved don’t want to go into the details.

we’ve worked hard and all issues resolved.

Sorry OP obviously things aren't resolved.
No matter how many times you say it

Sanasaaa · 14/01/2026 12:24

'Am I crazy?' to keep a cheating boyfriend- well, yes, not the word I would have used, but it would be actively choosing a life of misery, and not centring your self esteem or happiness.
First reply is correct. A life of happiness awaits.

TheWaryDreamer · 14/01/2026 12:25

Ddayishere · 14/01/2026 12:14

all resolved don’t want to go into the details.

we’ve worked hard and all issues resolved.

Sorry OP obviously things aren't resolved.
No matter how many times you say it

sorry, I meant in the sense of the situation a couple of years ago was resolved we worked hard together had no issues since till this popped up a couple of days ago

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 14/01/2026 12:26

The problem is, that even though you say you've resolved all your relationship issues, in truth you haven't. You wouldn't be fretting over the fact your partner/husband has unblocked a colleague who he had a brief fling with and cheated on you. Ultimately you don't trust him. He's lied to you in the past, and has the habit of telling silly lies to try and worm is way out of perceived trouble. That behaviour in itself is immature, it's what children do.

I can't say why your partner/husband has unblocked this woman. Instead of being honest, he's lied...again! He can't really give you a plausible explanation, because there isn't one!! I suspect it's to see if she contacts him, because then he can say he hasn't contacted her, it was all on her - which to a degree is correct. He may not have contacted her, but he's given her a way to contact him, if she so wishes!!

This is what happens when we 'forgive' someone for cheating and even work through the relationship issues. The trust is usually broken, and when something small like you are experiencing crops up, it magnifies just how much that trust is broken. Yes, sometimes the trust can be repaired successfully, the cheater is remorseful and never strays again. More often than not, the trust isn't there any more, couples limp along for awhile, until the relationship breaks down again.

End the relationship. It's run it's course. You've tried but If you don't or can't trust your partner, what's the point in continuing?

Catza · 14/01/2026 12:41

We can't possibly know whey he did that. Only he does. And he couldn't or didn't want to give you an answer. And that's really all the information you need to make a decision about the next steps.

Dozer · 14/01/2026 12:45

You chose to stay after he cheated and also to tolerate him continuing to work together. You have the option to take different decisions at any time.

Do you trust him or not? You have reasons not to.

You say there are ‘no red flags’: were there when he cheated the time that you know of?

Ddayishere · 14/01/2026 12:48

Tbh you may not have felt uncomfortable with them still working together but generally where the affair partner is a work colleague one of the basic expectations for reconciliation to have a chance is that the cheater finds another job.
So honestly the fact he is still working with this woman really undermines your reconciliation chances. And the fact he is lying to you now reinforces the fact he can't be trusted.

Dozer · 14/01/2026 12:48

‘ I asked why: ‘he didn’t realise he had and couldn’t remember” - obviously a lie’

’struggles to admit when caught out’

‘he’s cocky and would think this is funny……as she’s still hung up on him’

Red flags for not having changed / cheating again in future.

Lurkingandlearning · 14/01/2026 12:50

When you continue a relationship with a cheat the trust is never fully restored as you really can’t ever again think they wouldn’t cheat on you. It’s always going to be a possibility regardless of how much you work on the relationship. You know it’s in their character to betray someone who loves them.

But also you have told them that you will forgive them. Why would they not do it again?

Endofyear · 14/01/2026 17:22

Sorry OP but he's obviously lying and only he knows why. You've got every reason not to trust him. How did you 'find out' that he's unblocked her?

HipHopDontYouStop · 14/01/2026 20:38

Couldn’t remember unblocking her? Liar.

Look, he’s cheated on you. You’re the one that now has chosen to live with the constant doubt and sense of betrayal. You don’t have to. He fucked up and now you have to wonder about stupid shit like this.

It’s no way to live.

bridezillaincoming · 14/01/2026 20:42

In the bin!

OneShyQuail · 14/01/2026 22:02

How on earth do you "resolve" cheating? It cant be deleted or taken back. You can chose to move on if you think you can "forgive and forget" but its always going to have happened.
At the very least he is still just a disrespectful human being who hasnt the balls to end a relationship before starting another

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