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Original poster

Don't know what to do

13 replies

Eveeythingoknotok · 13/01/2026 23:18

I have been with my partner coming up 10years now, I always knew he didn't want to ever get married, I was fine with that, I came with 3 kids youngest being 5 and oldest being nearly 18. When we got together he said he knew me and the kids come as a package and he would help. I have asked him twice about moving in together, the last time being in 2023 as I had a health scare and he said its nice for us to have my place to go to when kids with their dad. The last 20 months my youngest hasn't seen her dad, it's just me full time mum so we rarely get any alone time now but also my feelings have changed in the way that I don't want him to move in now as its to late, my youngest is nearly 15 it just wouldn't work but I can't stop thinking why would he want to go back to an empty house when his now family are right here. I feel lonely. Thinking I should end things now but then I will be totally on my own with nobody to help, I also have health issues so I worry about not having someone there to help. Just don't know what to do!

OP posts:
TheAvidWriter · 14/01/2026 00:39

Op you dont mention if the two of you are happy as a couple, but you do mention that you worry that you will be lonely if you decide to end the relationship.

If you dont want him moving in, then have a heart to heart with him, if the child is now 15, there is no stopping you two going out for a bit, out the house, and have that chat. If however, the relationship with DP was only meant as him helping you out while the kids were young, financially or in other ways, then let him go. Both of you deserve that honest chat, and then go from there. You got this OP

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 14/01/2026 00:41

I’m sorry I didn’t quite understand your post, you asked him about moving in a couple of years ago and he said what? That he didnt want to move in? Now you’re saying you don’t want him to move in anymore so you are on the same page? Sorry OP I’m confused.

PaperMachePanda · 14/01/2026 00:55

So he gets to avoid all the hard stuff, go home to his own place and not commit properly to you, your kids or any shared bills etc. Sounds like he's fine having someone to shag occasionally and that's it.

Get rid of him.

After 10 years of showing no willingness to marry or move in it's time to find someone who shares your life goals.

Lmnop22 · 14/01/2026 07:35

If the only reason you can think to write as to why you’d like to stay with him is to “help” with your kids/health issues then you don’t actually want to be in a relationship with him!

Bringemout · 14/01/2026 07:38

Lmnop22 · 14/01/2026 07:35

If the only reason you can think to write as to why you’d like to stay with him is to “help” with your kids/health issues then you don’t actually want to be in a relationship with him!

This, I think he looked like he could help previously but you only need him around incase you have a health scare so perhaps your feelings were driven by a practical need rather than loving your partner. Also they aren’t actually his kids, they are yours.

Catza · 14/01/2026 08:16

You don't want him to move in but you are upset that he wants to be in his own place? Sounds like you don't really know what you want.
You can't date someone just because they are "useful". Be honest and end the relationship.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 14/01/2026 08:21

*Thinking I should end things now but then I will be totally on my own with nobody to help, I also have health issues so I worry about not having someone there to help.•
you don’t seem to be seeing him as an adult relationship romantic partner, just someone who is there to help you do stuff? What is the help you expect?

MadamCholetsbonnet · 14/01/2026 08:23

I’m not sure what the problem is here. Neither of you want to live together.

Original poster
Eveeythingoknotok · 14/01/2026 08:45

Sorry I have not made myself very clear, I think I have resentment towards him as he never said he would not move in ever with me and the kids. I wanted to be a proper family for such a long time but now as I said my feelings have changed and I wouldn't want him living with me now, I just wonder what this means for our relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eveeythingoknotok · 14/01/2026 08:49

PaperMachePanda · 14/01/2026 00:55

So he gets to avoid all the hard stuff, go home to his own place and not commit properly to you, your kids or any shared bills etc. Sounds like he's fine having someone to shag occasionally and that's it.

Get rid of him.

After 10 years of showing no willingness to marry or move in it's time to find someone who shares your life goals.

Yes this as I feel I do most things on my own, we have not had sex since October as I don't feel emotionally connected to him right now and also I will not do a booty call.

OP posts:
ShawnaMacallister · 14/01/2026 08:53

I don't think there is anything wrong with him not wanting to move in while your kids are at home. You wanted to be a 'proper family' but they aren't his children and your children aren't his family. Raising your kids was your responsibility not his. You've done it now and in a few years you'll be free of child raising and able to choose how you want to live your life. He may not be in it by that point but I think resenting him for not wanting to hands on raise your children with you is misguided.

DaisyChain505 · 14/01/2026 08:59

He doesn’t want to move in with you, he doesn’t want to be a family unit, he doesn’t want to take this relationship any further than where it is.

If you want more from someone get rid so you can heal, work on yourself and find that person.

Seaoftroubles · 14/01/2026 09:49

I'm not sure what form his 'helping' took but l don't see what's wrong with having your own places to live, better for your children too, they are yours not his and he made it plain from the start that he didn't want to be part of your family unit. If at that time you wanted to live together and he refused then you knew and accepted his preference.
Has he said he now wants to move in with you ? If not it doesn't matter really as nothing has changed except your feelings. If you think the relationship is no longer working for you then you can certainly end it and move on. Make sure it's not resentment though, and that this is what you do genuinely want.

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