Not initiating texts

[coronade]

Hi
so just started dating someone I met online. We are both in our 50’s.
problem is he never initiates a text or call it’s always me. He always replies but I’m starting to feel like I’m the one making all the effort and he can’t be that interested.
I send jokes, pics, instagram bits, songs, voice notes etc to try and keep things interesting but he just replies.

last night during a call (I initiated) I mentioned the fact I’d like him to text first sometimes and he seemed to take it on board(said he didn’t like to disturb me or be annoying, I said annoy away it’s fine). I deliberately didn’t text today and I’ve heard nothing from him all day.
We have a date tonight.
so am I being unreasonable and/or to needy (I’m not expecting hourly check-ins just the odd morning or hi how’s your day going) and do I bring it up again tonight, assuming he shows up.

Why do men do this? It drives me crazy! How long have you been seeing each other?

different people have different communication styles, he can take on board what you say - any change if he wants to - but equally you should not try to force your communication style on him - that’s not fair either.
Just spell out what you would like ( but not expect ), and go from there,
he might not like being sent voice notes and insta clips etc - so he might not like what you are doing either 🤷🏼‍♂️

It’s another thread where people have very different communication styles.

Im a woman around your age and I’ll be totally honest, being sent jokes, pics. links, voice notes, songs etc would absolutely do my head in And daily ‘hi how are you’ messages I see as pointless. I only message when ive got something to say so im very much like him tbh. Your style might not be for him so maybe a compromise needs to be discussed.

I would say how he is in person is far more important than the messaging inbetween.

Tell him how you feel but you may just have to accept your communication styles is very different and you’ll either need to compromise or decide if it’s a dealbreaker.

I would say you probably have different communication styles/needs and will likely be incompatible. Perhaps arranging an in person meet now and then is simply enough contact for him. In the days before mobile phones and texting, that’s what used to happen.

You can’t force someone to do things they don’t feel inclined to do.
If he’s really that into you, he’ll meet you halfway and if not, you have your answer.

im not sending tons of messages or rubbish and he says he likes getting my messages.

I think I was more disappointed that after saying I like to be messaged occasionally he didn’t reach out today even just to say looking forward to the date. But yes I will just have to see I suppose.

He may like getting them but is he deserving getting them? Up to you whether you enjoy sending them enough to continue or not.

if it is mismatched communication styles it won’t significantly change. I have some friends who only ever communicate in person, other than very straightforward messages to agree where and when to meet. I’m used to it from then and have set my expectations accordingly.

up to you really.

Is the date tonight still on then?

I am guilty of that myself. I am not a big texter and I rarely initiate. Says nothing about my level of interest. Luckily, we seem to have transitioned to one phone call in the evening which seems a lot more manageable. He is still the one who initiated 80% of the time but doesn't seem to mind.
At the end of the day, if you enjoy his company in person then it doesn't seem like a big deal to me

Yes date was still on and it was good.
He was waiting when I got there and did say “did you think I wouldn’t be here” and said he’d never not turn up and doesn’t see the point of pointless texts to confirm something that’s arranged.
Think I’m just going to accept this is his communication style and not over think it. Everything else is good and a significant improvement on the last few men I’ve met online.

Ah well then , If date went good , that’s all that matters really to be fair .
He probably really just isn’t in to chit/chat through text 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Some people aren’t chit chatters. And that’s ok. Don’t read too much into it.

I wouldn’t read too much into it, depends on the rest of his actions. Chit chat and words can be cheap, does he back up his interest in you with actions? Does he ask questions about your life on your in-person dates or is it all about him? How do you feel when you’re around him?

Well so far so good in terms of him doing what he says.
Seems like a really genuine man, works hard, volunteers for a couple of charities in his spare time, close to his family, loves animals and so far doesn’t appear to have lied about anything or be looking for his retirement plan.
He’s very chilled and always happy and I really enjoy spending time with him so 🤞.
I will just have to stop overthinking the texting or lack of it.

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t recommend find being sent jokes, pictures, songs and things from Instagram. I have long text exchanges occasionally with friends but it will be about something.

How long are you seeing him?

Everyone's different with regards to how much communication they like. Remember that it's only REALLY recently that we've been able to be in constant contact. I still remember dating when you saw someone, planned the next date at the end, and didn't speak in between. If you're in your 50s, then instant messaging has certainly not been a thing your whole adult life.

But, honestly... you sound like A LOT. Sending messages, funny things from here there and everywhere... he probably just isn't into that kind of thing and wants a bit of peace. Perhaps he only values meaningful conversation. Instead of texting through the day could you agree a time for a phonecall instead? Perhaps each evening, or every other evening, or whatever suits the two of you.

Just because you have the ability to contact someone at any time doesn't mean that they're obliged to do so.

I’m glad your date went well. He sounds like a keeper. I imagine you’ll overthink less the more you get to know him