DH and his bl**dy phone

[bananaramapeel]

Not sure this is the right place for this, but it is relationship linked. The problem is as in the thread title - my DH and his bl**dy screen time. He is basically on a screen of one type or another from the moment he wakes up until the moment he falls asleep. The first thing he does when he wakes up in the morning?

Sits in bed on his laptop.

Then gets up, goes to work (either WFH or office). Spends his working day on a screen. Any spare minute during the day - looking at crap on his phone.

Comes home, sits in chair, plays on his phone the entire time. Or cycles between phone and laptop. He spends the entire weekend in his chair on a screen (or falling asleep in his chair).

Goes to bed, watches youtube on his laptop in bed. He'll still be watching youtube when I go to sleep, so I don't actually know what time he stops.

We've got a new complication to this now, which is that he bought himself a pair of airpods so there isn't even any conversation, because any attempt by me involves him whipping an earpod out and me having to repeat myself whilst wanting to snatch the bloody thing out of his hand and stamp on it.

A couple of years ago, when his sleep got really bad, I told him it was the screens and banned them from the bedroom. He started doing sudoku from a book instead. He was falling asleep by 9. The dark circles disappeared from under his eyes. He started to look well for the first time in years. He had more energy, was less grumpy, stopped eating so many sweets, presumably because he wasn't so completely knackered. But after about a week he said that he was sleeping too much (?!) and it was making him feel sick and the screen was back in the bedroom. The funny thing is that he's dead against a TV in the bedroom because that's a bad habit, but insists that somehow watching TV on a laptop is different. I've not really said anything yet because he'll get defensive and it will lead to an argument but FFS, this is teenage idiot behaviour, and he's nearly 50, and I've had enough. He's really struggling with sleep again (can't get to sleep, wakes up multiple times in the night - his excuse for using his laptop in the bedroom is that he can't sleep and finds watching stuff on it relaxing). I think the screen is the reason he can't sleep in the first place.

Generally we get on really well (though I don't know if I can really say that, given that he spends far more time with his screens than with me).

I don't want to say screen addiction, but I think this is screen addiction, and it needs to stop. But I don't know how to make him see that. Removing the screens leads to him stomping round the house bored because screens are what he does with his time.

Anyone else in the same position, and how are you dealing with it?

You can't make him see he is addicted OP. He has to come to that realisation himself and then want to do something about it.

All you can do is impress on him how much his behaviour is affecting you.

Tbh it doesn't sound as though he has a relationship with you . His relationship is with technology.

You really need to decide if you are prepared to live like this.

He needs a hobby op, you both need quality time set aside, do you do this , say meal time 6 till 8pm no screens ,
Do you watch a movie together,

Is there children,

Do you have hobbies, time with friends or family away from him,

You need a plan and a hard conversation op, you need the scrolling time stopped in the bedroom but you both should have a couple of hours without all that stuff going on,

The world we live in now is all very technical but Jesus's what happened to conversations and time spent with each other hay,

Quality time op your not asking for much, bloody hell, set your table out ' as the saying goes '
Good luck op

Me.i resorted to hiding his phone at some points. He is better now having had an enforced two days off when his phone was broken (it actually was, I didn’t do it!) and noticing how much better he felt for being off it, but it is creeping back in

Yes there are children. Yes, I have my own hobbies and things independent of him. The kids are young adults but there have been comments made in the past that dad is always on his phone and so there's no point trying to talk to him. I've broached this with him and out comes the defensiveness (which makes me think that deep down, he knows what he's doing isn't good). The phone does go away during the evening meal (which we always have at the table as a family).

I would say yes, we watch films together as we are both in the room at the same time when the film is on the TV, but he will inevitably be in phone land and I will have to rewind it because he isn't paying attention.

Writing it down like this is really depressing, actually. It's worse than I thought. I'm beginning to wonder if the lack of hobbies/limited friendships where we are are what has driven the screen time, but obviously the screen time is impacting his ability to develop a hobby or create social opportunities. Is he on it so much because he's bored and lonely at home?

The fact your kids have said theres no point talking to him should have been his wakeup call. Hows the rest of the relationship? Hows his contribution around the house, his quality time with the kids? I would be coming at it from 'your lack of sleep is making you grumpy and the kids are put off talking to you' but I suspect there's more at play here. God, this must be so frustrating for you - has he ever had any thoughts/input over managing the kids screen time?

He could be bored/depressed even.

Are you still intimate as this would put me right off!