Im pregnant- Husband hadn’t cheated yet but actively trying to! Help

[Sakinamumof2]

I’m desperate for some advice mums
my husband and I have been going through a rough patch the last 6 months since I found out I was pregnant
I had quite a negative postpartum period in both my previous pregnancies and this third was completely unplanned
my relationship with my husband was finally back on track we were happy and thriving after having 2 kids and a difficult time with it and when I found out I was pregnant again it brought back a lot of the trauma from my postpartum and it semi started the issues between me and hubby again - along with the pregnancy extreme exhaustion from the first trimester we went back to not really being intimate with each other again and he was really annoyed/ angered by it
he recently has been saying he wants us to work things out etc and I have been more than open to this expressing all my feelings and him the same - I have no idea for what reason I went on his phone and found a serious of messages dating back the past three months to an ex gf of his from long before I met him
needless to say he’s pining over her throughout the messages and having intimate text convos missing her and wanting her talking about their sex life when they were together etc and how they should meet up soon - he’s constantly asking when they’re gonna meet along with plenty of intimate conversation

he hasn’t yet met up with her or cheated but he’s actively trying to and I don’t know what to do! It’s pretty much too late for me to give up the baby I’m expecting but I have felt the want to do so many times so far throughout my pregnancy

and I further am at a complete loss as to what to do about my husband. I can see how it can also be partly my fault for not wanting to be intimate all this time and our relationship has not been in a great place but I’m still absolutely devastated! And lost as to how to react to this

advice is soo so appreciated!

I'd be getting divorce papers tomorrow morning, without saying a word, and presenting them to him signed as soon as physically possible.

He'll try to give you a thousand tales. You can believe him if you want but I guarantee you that he'll cheat and soon you'll be on here again asking what to do now. And the advice will be the same: LEAVE.

Respectfully, why did you keep the pregnancy if even now you’re unsure? It would have saved you a world of trouble.

Given that he’s going out of his way to try to cheat, you need to decide what you want for yourself. Gather all the evidence you can because he’ll be denying.

Stop shagging him, because if he's dipping his wick elsewhere, he could give you an STI and that also endangers your baby.

Sleep separately if you can. Use pregnancy discomfort as an excuse.

Get copies of all the financial docs etc and initiate divorce. He's not going to stop trying to cheat and you do not need that stress.

The fact that as soon as things don't go his way his reaction is to find another woman to have sex is just disgusting.

If you are actually thinking that having a termination would be the only way to keep him faithful to you then your relationship with him is pretty worthless imo.

If I were you I would be seeking legal advice and preparing to divorce him.

It's not partly your fault - it's all his fault. He's the one choosing to go outside the marriage and you being tired and pregnant is NOT an excuse!

You went on his phone because you didn't trust him - and with good reason it seems.

Honestly, if I were you I'd leave now - it doesn't get better and you will never be able to trust him.

“Kill the baby” is incredibly subjective.

I’m sure you genuinely believe that you’re partly responsible for your previous marriage difficulties and I’m sure you’re a regular flawed human being. But reading your post I honestly see nothing but pretty normal postpartum issues that are very common in relationships and which decent men navigate without cheating or getting angry with their wives for not having sex. Your H may have convinced you you’re unreasonable for not instantly snapping back into shape and becoming a sex bunny the second you gave birth but he’s not fooling any of us. He sounds awful. And duplicitous.

i appreciate you’re really vulnerable right now but you’ll even more so after the baby arrives, so if you’re going to separate it would be better to do so sooner rather than later. If that feels too overwhelming, which I can imagine it does, you don’t have to do that but it may help you feel a bit more in control if you prepare for it (e.g. copy important documents, research how much financial support you will need and might get from him/the state.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Termination is legal, safe and ethical. It's not 'killing a baby'.

Luckily whether or not you like it, women have options available and can decide what to do with their bodies so whether or not you think it is deranged doesn’t matter at all.

Additionally, no one suggested OP should terminate, but obviously reading comprehension escapes you as much as science does.