Why are men such creeps

[ARunByFruiting]

Or at least some are.

Have gone back into online dating, matched with someone who's profile looked good. With a short while talking he thought i would be flattered that he wanted to wank whilst thinking of me then referred to me as "vanilla " because I didn't want to have sexual talk within hours of speaking on the app.

I was apprehensive about going back on the apps after a horrible break up last year and now I'm thinking it's been a bad idea, especially as I have run out of potential people on bumble and hinge who are are in my age range (40 to 50) and within 20 miles. I am doomed!

Your not doomed!

Get your face out of your phone and your arse out of the house and meet someone organically. Internet dating has had its day.

Thank you. Any tips on where to go!

The pub. Or join Meet-up, there's tons of stuff on there.

Widen your social circle by joining groups or doing a course in something you find interesting. It's much nicer to meet men in the flesh, than have some pervy bloke talking about to you about what he does with his dick, online.

Oh I don't envy you at all, the quality of man on those apps seems to be abysmal, some of the stories my single friends have told me are hideous.

I honestly think if my husband died or left me or ran off with a Russian supermodel or something I'd just stay single.

Unfortunately you will get a lot of that nonsense- there are decent men on them, but you have to endlessly filter through all the sex pests/weirdos. Best thing to is if you’re committed to it is to be very liberal with the block button and don’t take any of it personally or seriously. I’m 35 but it’s the same for me, I don’t use dating apps as I just can’t be bothered with the above.

I prefer tinder because I found the men on bumble to be lazy. I think because women make the first move on there theres a lot of princess types who think they can be minimal effort.

Creeps everywhere of course.

But talking for hours was probably a bad move too. Never get overfamiliar until you've met them. A couple of quick chats then arrange a date.

This is really unnecessarily harsh. I’m married but even I know the pubs are dying and most people meet through online dating, work, hobbies or friends these days. There’s nothing wrong with using dating apps and you shouldn’t be shaming someone for this. You have no idea about this woman, what her life is like or if she can even afford to go out to the pub every night of the week just in case her soulmate shows up that night. Most people can’t do that. Most people wouldn’t want to do that.

OP I’ve heard some shit stories about online dating - but I’ve heard great stories too. My sister met her husband online, they’ve been married nearly 9 years now, and been together a few years longer than that. I hear it’s a numbers game.

good luck!

And realistically meeting outwith apps is very hard these days.

People at meetups are not genreally looking to date and as an ex meetup host I'd annoyed if people used the group for such purposes. Unless maybe it was a night out group I suppose. Or one specifically for dating.

I met someone online 10 years ago and we went out for 4 year. Then I was single for years with shit dates in-between. Then last year I met some who I thought was amazing online and it lasted 8 months but didn't work out. Now online seems to he the absolute pits, I mean I have literally run out of people on bumble and hinge and I wasn't being overly brutal.

I would have thought the opposite, men being more lazy because women have to make the first move?

I'm not sure where you are finding all these men. Could it be that you are not filtering them out at the profile read stage? I have honestly never encountered a sex pest or a dick pic cowboy online. I thought maybe it's the burden of younger women but (assuming you are looking for men in your own age bracket) you and I are the same age. 99% of the conversations go nowhere, sure. But masturbation offers...I just don't get.
I'd be a lot more selective with your swiping. And also be crystal clear in your profile about what you are looking for. I have "long term relationship" in mine and a whole host of information about my (relatively) high brow interest which weeds out idiots. I think a lot of women are too scared to be clear about their requirements as they think nobody would match them. I've not personally found it to be an issue.

His profile looked completely OK and his bio quite a health approach. He even wrote under most proudest moment as "having my kids". So it wasn't just about swiping left after reading a creepy profile, he actually seemed ok.

Honestly OP, have you thought about choosing the single life. I’m married and my husband is a nice man, but if we separated or whatever, I couldn’t be arsed finding another good one in the chaff. They are largely so unpleasant.

That’s exactly what I’ve done. I’m 35 and been single since my late 20s. Even just having to see the awful profiles, and having to filter out all the undatable ones is not a good use of my time, tbh 😅 if I meet someone it will be randomly in person, but if I don’t that’s fine too.

You’re not doomed. If finding someone so special was that easy, it wouldn’t be as special as it is. It’s special because it’s hard to come by.

I met my now husband online dating and he’s the most kind, thoughtful, deep person you could want.

They’re out there. Trust me.

Ah, shame. They are clearly getting smarter...
But don't give up! They good ones are out there

The last time I looked at courses, they were all online, so pretty much pointless for meeting people. I even recently went to a "Professionals networking event" and that didn't seem up to much for dating purposes.

I do wonder if sometimes these suggestions (haven't seen the trope of a walking club yet) are based off how things were decades ago, because it seems very different today.

Honestly I think the filter of 20 miles or less is too limiting. No wonder you've run out of people very quickly.