Domestic abuse from husband while he is on bail

[jodie6973]

Hi Everyone. I am desperately looking for advice and help. My husband has abused me psychologically, financially and physically. He has moved out and was arrested and put on bail. It has been 2 months since and the police have been awful and still have not taken any statements. They have taken so long the bail has had to be extended. My husband was told no direct or indirect contact. He has been communicating with a third party, a letting agent we used for our business, and using him to try and threaten my safety and trying to bully me out of my home. This must be a breach of bail. He has excluded me from our shared income and so I can't afford a solicitor and I can't get legal aid as I have too much equity in my home. Does anyone know or has experienced this and knows what I can do. He has abused me so badly I have been diagnosed with CPTSD by a psychologist. This is making me feel suicidal. Any advice or information would be so appreciated. Thank you

You've reported this latest contact to the police?

Report to police
Do you work? Put ypur income in your oen accout
Who owns the property?
Consider moving out

Please call the National Centre for Domestic Violence and see if they can help you with free advice: https://www.ncdv.org.uk/. Also, do you have an IDVA?

So sorry to hear - what a bastard. Have you reached out for support to Refuge or Women’s Aid?

So sorry to hear - what a bastard. Have you reached out for support to Refuge or Women’s Aid?

So sorry to hear - what a bastard. Have you reached out for support to Refuge or Women’s Aid?

So sorry to hear - what a bastard. Have you reached out for support to Refuge or Women’s Aid?

So sorry I didn’t mean to publish multiple times!

Contact your police & crime commissioner, and explain that your local police are failing to ensure your safety.

You need to report the bail breaches to the police. Make sure you get a reference number. Every time he contacts the directly or indirectly report it again.

It's probably CPS who have extended bail. They're really backlogged at the minute. Definitely report everything, but your ex might be able to get around it if it's "official" i.e. about the house, from the letting agent.

My ex had a non molestation order on him and it was still perfectly acceptable for him to get a solicitor to email me asking if I wanted to reconcile! He also wrote into the family court to tell me he'd always love me etc. Again, not a breach...

I have reported this. The police are barely doing anything. He also broke into my shed and stole things and police said this is a civil matter. The house is in my name!

I own the house but he is going to try and put a claim on it. I don't have a penny. I have had to claim UC and they pay me £380 per month. My bills are more than this. My daughters who are 20 and 23 are trying to lend me money but they have barely any.

That's ok. Thank you for replying. He has taken my income after I quit my career to work in a joint business. The reason we have split is because he was controlling and refused me access to our joint income account. So he emptied the account and has left me penniless and has changed the passwords on the business email and tried to force our letting manager to refuse to cancel bookings we had for the house I am living in despite him blocking my ability to move out as he has taken all the ways we would have made these lets viable. It is hard to explain, but he basically removed my ability to have any income, continue in the business but expects me to make myself homeless while he earns from me being homeless.

I have an IDVA support worker who is disgusted by their lack of support and she has complained several times with no help. They have arranged several times to come and take a statement and just not turned up.

Thank you. I keep calling 101 and reporting but they do nothing. It has taken so long they have now extended his bail but have told him after he requested that they will now allow him to contact me with a solicitor so he can threaten me legally while he has left me so destitute I can't even get my own legal representation. It is a nightmare.

That is so awful! I can't believe they allow this. My husband is a narcissist and has abused me in every way possible and he has zero empathy. There is no line he wouldn't cross. I am sorry you have experienced this also

Thank you. Yes I have an IDVA and she is lovely but doesn't or can't do much. She has tried. I have called this helpline but failed to get through yet even after waiting on hold for hours. But thank you for suggesting that!

Have you double checked the legal aid position? As I understand it the position different in domestic abuse cases and you may be able to get help despite the equity in your house.

They have said despite the abuse and me being literally cash poor, I have too much equity to get help. Which is insane as I can't sell the house to get the money and he has excluded me from our joint money, which is abuse, so it is effectively denying me the right to legal help. I can't believe we have such an abuse enabling legal system! I have called about 20 solicitors and each one has confirmed this. But thank you for your support.

It's absolutely awful, but you WILL get through this. So sorry you had to meet someone like him xx

OP in your shoes I think I would try my local MP. You can email them or find out when they run a constituency surgery and you can see them in person. They will be able to push for expedited outcomes on your behalf or write to agencies for you. Their input can often be very useful

i’m so sorry you aren’t getting better support.

This organisation does free legal advice for women and are excellent. They have limited opening hours on the phone and no queuing system so you just have to keep trying. If you get through, they are marvellous.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

If you try the national domestic abuse helpline it is a very busy line, 08082000 247
But early mornings - between 8 and 9.30 seem best, or around tea time, 5 - 6pm.

sending love and strength