Ex has got a job where I work and DD issues

[OneGreyBiscuit]

I left ex in march last year, we have 2 dcs. Ds is 18 and lives with me, DD is 14 and splits her time between us. She hates going back to his as it's dirty, he's miserable, sends her to school with mouldy sandwiches. She's also drip feeding that he's slating me. I give him half the child benefit even though he buys her nothing with it apart from food. She's said to him she doesn't like going back there but he just guilt trips her about being on his own. I've also received the news that he's got a job at the place I have worked at for 10 years and everyone I have told have asked the same thing - why there? I feel I'm getting to the point of saying to him shes not staying there anymore but he'll blame me for the situation for leaving. Do I need to say something and should I be worried about the job situation?

At work, I would say calmly to my manager, 'Apparently Mike Smith is starting work here. I need to inform you that he is my ex and we have an acrimonious relationship, so I am obviously anxious that he does not cause any issues in my workplace' and leave it with them.

I would say to DD 'It is entirely up to you whether you visit your Dad or not,' and stay out of the entire matter. Apart from not giving him half the CB any more, naturally. He's a joker expecting that.

I’m stuck on the mouldy sandwiches. Why the hell is she still going there?!

If your company has HR, tell them now. Do not wait until he starts stirring shit, get ahead.

I have spoke to them and they've put him on shifts that I'm not on (that he already wants to change even though he said he was flexible) but we have notifications for extra shifts so can't guarantee he won't take more on. The child benefit really annoys me as he made sure that I registered both of them as living here so he'd get his single person council tax.

Well the younger one won't affect his CT

This is a problem I have. I feel responsible for putting her in the situation by leaving but I was offered a house and wasn't leaving it another couple of years. With regards to work, I think they offered the job without knowing our history. He started yesterday as far as I'm aware. (Supermarket hours)

you had me at mouldy sandwiches. hell no.
mid he telling dd it’s up to her where she stays. she doesn’t have to go to his if she doesn’t want to.

Your daughter is old enough to decide for herself, tell her you'll support her not going if she wishes. He'll soon tire of his silly game..

I agree your DD is only enough to make her own decisions and with good reasons it appears. I’d suggest you listen to her and stop giving him the CB when he doesn’t even use it to buy in date food.

If your daughter doesn’t want to go support her to not bother and get your child benefit redirected back to you. Useless twat he is. Not a thing he can do about it and dd will learn she doesn’t need to be a people pleaser to people that don’t make an effort to make her feel comfortable. She’s worth an awful lot more, be the one to show her that

You need to support your daughter's wish to not go to her dad's where it's dirty and she's given inedible food.

Let him bitch. He can't guilt trip her if she doesn't go. You have to be proactive in being her shield with him.

Stop giving him money when he only provides inedible food.

As for work, you let management know that your ex has gotten a job there and you and he are high conflict.

Stop giving him half the child support and say to dd that it’s her decision. Email ex to say you will be keeping the full child support so it can be used for the children. Dd does not want to stay at yours where it’s dirty and you give her mouldy food for school lunch. I can’t argue with that, and she is 14. If you want her to stay I suggest you clean up, make some promises about being able to feed her and provide lunch she can take to school, feeding your children is essential.