Can anyone give perspective? Feel like losing my mind

[CatzAndDogs]

DP of 2 years just left me. By text, in the end. Relationship started amazing, he was everything I wanted, intense physical and emotional bond, but it went too far. He was incredibly jealous of my ex DH who he believed was still either intimate with me or I was letting him control me. Dp kept me talking hours on phone at night trying to sort out our relationship. Made me change co parenting so he could see me practically every day. He fell out with my sister after she yelled at him and made me promise not to be friends with her. When I took a call from her in the car he was so angry I was afraid he'd run the car off the road.
Then, suddenly, everything changed. He stopped giving me a hard time. He said he didn't care about my ex anymore. He also stopped wanting sex with me, claiming low testosterone. He stopped coming to my place. Things calmed and recently I started trying to do things I'd given up for him , like my volunteering and the gym. At first he was so supportive but when I said I thought I may like to reconnect with my sister, and when I went to see a play my DD was in and my ex was there, he turned on me.
He accused me of being cold and not being there for him. He had previously persuaded me to stop taking my antidepressants so I could feel things more, but I had to start them again because the withdrawal caused me to self harm and think of suicide. On the phone last night he said the pills were making me dead inside while he was feeling everything, just one day after we reconciled and he told me our relationship was amazing and everything was fine. He said I had lost the fear of losing him and that was going to break us up. He didn't let me speak and when I tried he said I was saying all the wrong things. He said he couldn't deal anymore, we were taking a break, he hung up then 15 minutes later texted we were over and please make sure I paid the money I owed him.
My question is, why do I feel so bad? Guilty, scared, abandoned. I don't want to be with him but the pain is so huge I worry if he reached out and said he'd changed his mind again, I'd cave.
Sorry for sounding like a stupid teenager. There's many other things he's done but this post is already way too long.

You're well out of it, OP. He's a narcissist who's been playing mind games with you and blowing hot and cold to keep you on the hook. Block his number and move on.

A man who tries to stop you taking medicine you NEED is an absolute cunt. Sorry for being so blunt.

He sounds terrible. You’ve described some very abusive behaviour. Reach out to your sister and anyone else in your support network. Maybe your GP too regarding medication. They could also signpost you to support.
Relationships shouldn’t feel like this. Xx

Oh my. What a manipulative controlling monster he is.

Lost the fear of losing him? I should hope you have! Not a basis for a good relationship anyway.

It sounds like you had a fulfilling and busy life before you gave up your activities for him. Don’t do that. And never give up your relationships for a boyfriend.

He sounds awful, op. When you’re in love, in the early stages, your heart should be singing. You sound miserable. Because of him.

You’re vulnerable. Don’t date anyone for a while.

Relationships shouldn't be this stressful or confusing. You feel like this because he's borderline or if not actually abusive and is playing mind games.

You're better off without - pls look after yourself and don't let another man control you like this. Though they hide that side of themselves so well at the start so well...

Wishing you all the best lovely x

You let this man make you cut contact with your sister?

You stopped volunteering and going to the gym because of him?

You changed coparenting to suit HIM?

Count your blessings that you're free of him. This is a perfect outcome for you.

Going forwards...before your get in a relationship, you need to do some work on yourself and seek support from a professional to explore why you allowed this to happen, so that it doesn't happen again.

Oh god this is crazy!! You sound like you have the makings of a good, wholesome life without him. Don't put that at risk it for him.

You’re way better off without. Try some therapy, he’s abusive. Xx

The only guilt you should be feeling is for putting your kids through this drama. Please grab this opportunity to be free from this awful man.

Run for the hills, Op! You are so lucky he's ended it as he has stalker written all over him. I know it's hard at the moment as you are dealing with rejection which is always ego wounding but you need to stay strong and not get back together with this man. He'll be back and he'll be charming. Try not to fall for it. It was always going to end in tears with this sort of person. There's no benefit to giving it a few more months or years.
You'll find the right guy in time and you'll know he's right for you because of how easily he'll slip into your life and make you happy. You need to focus on that everytime you think of this abuser.

To be blunt he’s an absolute monster. A narcissistic manipulative controlling piece of shit cunt.

Be thankful he’s ended it and just ask yourself why you tolerated this abuse.

Please look at therapy or doing the freedom programme before you even think about looking at another man. This one had more red flags than the Russian army marching through Moscow on May Day.

Never ever ever give up anything in your life for a bloke

Edited to add I remember your other thread - he’s a lying cheat as well as an abuser. He is the scum of the earth - please block him and don’t let him have access to you for any longer.

You feel awful because for 2 years he's manipulated you, stressed out your nervous system and made you feel unsafe. He's chipped away at your sense of self, controlled you and tried to isolate you.... abuse rewires your brain.

Be very glad you are free of him. Don't date for the foreseeable, you remain vulnerable to other abusers. Look at the freedom program and wait until you have processed and recovered from this.

YOU HAVE DODGED A MASSIVE BULLET. 💯
HE IS JEKYLL AND HYDE 😨
HE HAS SHOWN YOU HIS TRUE COLOURS 💥

IF HE RETURNS, THEN RUN! 🙏

If he has only just dumped you, I would bet money that this is just another abusive tactic.
He will be back, after he has "punished" you enough, and expect you to be so grateful that you will be even more under his spell and open to further control and abuse.

Don't fall for it.
Promise yourself that it is now over for good.
Block him everywhere.
If he does manage to get hold of you, just tell him it is over and not to contact you ever again.

You are doing well to be well clear of this idiot. Under no circumstances go back. He's enjoying psychologically abusing you.

He sounds fucking insane Op… and dangerous. You also changed your parenting of your children for him. That’s something that should never have happened - kids come first not men and definitely not possessive, jealous, nasty, cruel men who make you suicidal through their manipulation.

Block him!

Also imagine the pain he’s caused your sister and children as well as you. Don’t welcome someone back who has caused them such pain.

To answer another part of your post, about caving if he changed his mind, I think this is a lot to do with habit.

It's ok to miss someone (no matter how awful he sounds) but not want them back. It's almost like you have to keep the two feelings separate. You'll be used to him being there etc, and that's a habit to break, like your nervous system has to accept that. So even though you know you don't really want him back, it's still hard.

Don't go back though, you're just putting off the inevitable of breaking up again, as he sounds awful. Focus on re building the life you had before and if you try and be strong, the sad feelings should go. Remember someone who loves you wouldn't treat you this way.

Hope you feel better soon.

He's blocked. After phone call when he called me the most disgusting names and an email where he blamed me for everything, told me how much I'd hurt him and how angry he was with me. I don't want him back but silence is so hard. It's been weeks since the phone call but I feel worse than ever. On edge and feeling like the most stupid person. I know things happen for a reason but what if there is something wrong with me and that's why I failed to see this coming?

There is nothing wrong with you, if anything you’ve lost yourself because of this vile man.

If your daughter or a friend came to you and a man was treating her that way, what would you say?

You deserve better and it will get better x

After being abused by this monster you are doing really well. You were forced to be dependent on him. He tried to alienate you from your children, sister, friends, activities. He only wanted you to himself as a slave. You are well rid, head up, re-engage with everyone. Make your children and other family members the priority over him. You are an amazing person and fulfil your ambitions. This was one of life's unpleasant interactions, so move on upwards.