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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Supporting my sister in abusive relationship

2 replies

Stuffragette · 12/01/2026 10:00

I wonder if you could help me. My sister is in what I would term an abusive relationship. Her partner is controlling. He won’t speak to her for days when she’s done what I consider the smallest thing. He gaslights her quite a lot. She just isn’t the same person she was before she met this man.

She met him coming out of a long marriage and I wonder if she was charmed or I guess what you would call love bombed by him. She has three children one of who is severely disabled and she is his main carer. Her ex-husband is also being a dick about childcare arrangements and to be honest I think she’s just exhausted and worn down and feels she’s not worth much. This is not the case she is the most beautiful person and I am fighting my rescue reaction to just get her. I want to go in there full Liam Neeson and rescue her, but I know this is not helpful. She needs to not feel judged so I’m just listening to her and giving her every opportunity to tell me what’s happening because its new that she’s telling us. but there are soooo many red flags in this relationship.

Does anybody have any tips or could tell me what worked for them. I would love to hear how best to support someone until they’re ready to leave that relationship.

thanks in advance

OP posts:
Newventures · 12/01/2026 10:06

Hi, I work in the field of domestic abuse support and would recommend looking at the Ally Guide from the Safe and Together Institute. I think it’s really good. If you google it you’ll find the download.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/01/2026 10:33

If you are UK based I would look at Womens Aid's website.

Sadly she was indeed targeted by her current abuser. It sounds like your sister was in a low place herself (she also has a dick for an ex H) and otherwise vulnerable to such approaches of one bombing. Her boundaries here, skewed already, are being further eroded by her abuser now. Her abuser is never going to apologise nor accept any responsibility for his actions.

Keep the lines of communication open between your sister and you. Get her to think about how life would be without this man in her day to day life. What do her children think of him?.

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