Long story short - Been married 40+ years. Had Fibro and severe anxiety for over 30. Been doing therapy in bursts for last 2 years. Diagnosed with severe PTSD/CPTSD. Making slow but steady progress. A few years ago, I had a near-fatal fall from a window (yes, pure accident - though confusion from fibro plus a chest infection contributed to my clumsiness), and my history includes many forms of violent abuse. I have lost a lot of independence due to chronic illness and some permanent physical disabilities.
On some level, I've always felt that DH is supportive when I'm weak but feels threatened when I'm strong. I'm working hard at regaining independence and my boundaries, but I sometimes get bolshy and overshoot the mark. We are arguing a lot.
So today - we were discussing some headphones I'm buying. Expensive. Noise Cancelling. I am very sensitive to noise, and our neighbour is deaf and loud. We can afford them from savings, though we are generally careful with money, and our incomes are low and at similar levels. He says he's fine with me buying them, but I feel he's resentful. My hypervigilant tendencies make me very sensitive to negative vibes. Then he 'joked': 'It would be cheaper to ram knitting needles in your ears and burst your eardrums.'
This triggered me, and I had an awful visceral reaction. I managed to ground myself and explain to him that I found that very uncomfortable. His response was, 'I'm sorry you can't take a joke.'
I calmly explained (again) how PTSD works and how it affects me. He then apologised but added, 'but it's not my fault you have no sense of humour.' I asked him if he thought most people would find that funny, and he responded by saying his mates would and telling me how one had joked about my fall, saying, 'was she ironing the curtains?' I laughed at that - though before the work I've done, I probably wouldn't have. It was the violent image of the other joke that got me.
I know he'll think about this and do something extra nice to make amends later. We'll be okay for a while. I'll have another shift he doesn't like, and something similar will happen again.
He doesn't like me doing things without him. He says it's cos he's worried about me. It's felt like a power struggle since he retired. (He was a boss.)
Am I being oversensitive?
Is it because I am sometimes clumsy and accusing (hands up) when I'm trying to say my piece? I can be bossy too, but I know I'm improving.
Is this a normal part of the dynamics of change?