Is it too late?

[Ninelivesnewton]

My 4 year old told me she’s had a good idea ‘just walk away with me when daddy talks angry at you’. She also says ‘daddy always shouts at mummy and doesn’t love her’ Have I already ruined her life?

She sounds like she’s got her head screwed on. Show her she’s right?!

She’s sounds smarter than both of you. If my small child suggested that to me, I would be making plans and acting on them.

how heartbreaking to hear but yes you should leave now, what’s the alternative, keeping her living in this toxic and abusive situation?

It’s better that she has lived 4 years of this rather than 18.

Clever kid. She’s telling you what she wants and how life looks for her. It would be a good idea to listen whilst she’s still being honest with you. If you don’t she’ll just stop sharing her feelings because that’ll be her normal life.

Listen to her. It’s not too late yet but unless you take action, it will be

That’s honestly heartbreaking. Her telling you to walk away with her, as if she needs to take care of you.

Her life isn’t ruined, but there’s no clearer indication that time is running out to ensure that stays the case.

Show her that you listen, and thank her when she’s much older.

You must be really feeling it tonight. I hope you’re okay

Being exposed to behaviour of a partner like this is bad but her life isn't ruined considering she has the wisdom of walking away.
You will ruin her life by staying and showing her it's okay to stay and tolerate and make that her norm and the risk is her repeating mistakes of choosing someone who disrespects her and you'll watch her suffering and potential grandchildren.

It's never too late to make a positive change.

Don't make shouting and abuse her whole childhood. Don't make a four year old feel like she has to look after you for the rest of her life. Make the changes now.

thank you all. I know I have to leave. I might not think I’m worthy of much, but she sure is.

Oh poor little mite 😔 and sorry you're obviously in a bad place OP - I hope this will give you the impetus to leave. If you need advice on how to do this safely, please contact Women's Aid for help and advice. Get support from family and friends too - don't suffer in silence any more. Abusers rely on your feelings of shame and embarrassment to keep you quiet but you have nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. The shame is all his.

Well after hearing that if you don't leave you are abusing her. Can take a slap in the face to realise, I was also under the impression I left before it effected my girls but no eldest was aware.

shes ahead of the game Bless her and I think she sounds like she’d like you to leave him for a peaceful life.

Also you are worthy of much more than you are getting you’ve just been conditioned to believe you are not.

You need to find an exit asap if your 4 year old is speaking about her dad like that!

Hi op Im sorry you’re going through what you are . Im a fine one to talk right now or give advice but where I am now in life and have been for most of it . What I put up with from men ect stems from growing up watching my mother go through what she has with my father and future partners . Please listen to your daughter. You can change her whole future by listening to her ❤️

Well done. You’ve forced your child into adulthood at 4! You must feel so proud. Make arrangements to leave!

Let’s not victim blame here. That’s the last thing the OP needs. The important thing is she’s had her eyes opened to the damage this situation is doing to her child and she’s going to make plans to leave.

@Ninelivesnewton

Speak to your daughter’s nursery/school and let them know what’s going on. You want a paper trail of proof.

Ring women’s aid and get some advice.

OP this is your time.

My then 3 year old said "Mummy, has Daddy made you cry again?" as I tried to hide my tears... I started planning from that moment and left after a few months of saving - while sleeping on the sofa and being watched and abused.

Ex is angry that I left still. He emotionally abused the DC so that they have decided not to see him. He is rich and took them on all the holidays etc, they hated it all.

They know I am a safe person. They know that nothing comes before psychological and emotional safety. They know that they and their feelings, matter.

It was difficult, very frightening and we started again with just suitcases.

You can do this. You can and you should.

Sending strength.

This is so uncalled for. OP don't pay this post any mind.

Your 4 year old is able to observe, think and feel, as a child (yes, children are sentient beings!) You can protect her by getting away from the abuser.

This is telling about the toxicity of the environment but this doesn’t have to be where it ends. See this as an opportunity to get out of this relationship asap.