Opinions on this interaction

[amberkrum]

Was wondering what people's opinions are on this interaction between my husband and 6 year old son. Unsure if I'm over or under reacting.

Brought son home last night late from a family event. He was tired and grumpy. He has form for biting and hitting us especially when poorly. Son was hitting husband and throwing toys at him. Husband basically did a light version of whatever son did back and said whatever you do to me I'll do back. Son threw a plastic doll at husband and husband threw it back once, son threw it again so husband threw it back. This time it hit son on the face, he was really hurt and upset for a long while.

I do believe husband wasn't meaning it to hit him in the face and didn't want to actually hurt him but I'm pissed off all the same.

Not acceptable. The dad is meant to be the adult

I think your husband needs to develop better parenting choices than repeating the actions of a 6 year old.

How are you dealing with the biting and hitting in general? This isn’t going to fix anything.

Not sure I agree with his methods but I can see the logic

I suppose your son learnt consequences of his actions

is there any issues why he has form for hitting and biting because that isn’t normal behaviour

Well he won’t do it again so good!

Just on follow up questions,son does have some medical issues which resulted in hearing issues and slight speech delay. Hearing is ok now has grommets fitted and hitting is now rare.

My way of dealing with it is preventing him doing it at the time repeat you are not allowed to hit and the consequences once calmed down.

Husband thinks my way isn't working and is too soft.

I tell my cat that if he bites me I will bite him back. (I don't use my teeth though.) He doesn't listen and it makes no difference to his behaviour.

The average adult male has exponentially more physical strength than a six year old boy and should not be engaging in ANY physical behaviour when he doesn't have complete control and there's a risk of injury. He also should be able to regulate his emotions better than a six year old can as well.

I'd be furious. Repeating the poor behaviour of a child legitimises it so they do it more.

I'd say your husband needs to grow up and that adults have to model the behaviour that you want to see. Children learn by what they see more than from what you say. Obviously at 6 years old your son shouldn't be hitting and biting and there have to be consequences for that. But what your husband did was wrong and I would have stepped in and stopped it.

Your son struggles to self regulate when tired and overwhelmed but he is 6 and needs both of your help with that. He will learn but in the meantime he probably needs something to calm down his nervous system, a hug, cuddle time perhaps? An adult who can remain calm.

Your husband’s strategy of repeating the same disregulated behaviour back at your son was silly to say the least. It’s helping nobody. He needs to behavr like an adult instead of mimicking what Ds is doing.

I would like to know if your DH was losing his temper or calmly and strategically doing this? I think it’s wrong either way, but the cause and therefore the solution is different. If he was getting emotional and essentially getting into a juvenile tit for tat with him, then that’s a really bad sign of immaturity and I’d be worried- not sure there is an easy solution, . If rather he is calmly deciding that your six year old will start to understand the meaning of his actions by experiencing it back, then I still think it’s a bad parenting technique but the solution is simply to inform/educate on better techniques.