New partner and friendship dynamics

[Orchidbalm94]

Hello

Was with my ex for many years, from when we were younger and we developed mutual friends. During our split, things became awkward with said friends and as time has gone on, I am not very close with them anymore.

i do have other friends, best friends from school, and friends I have met along the way though college and being a mum. My circle is very small however. they are also individual friends, all know of each other but none of them overly keen to meet or expand their circles, they’ve met at my kids parties or birthday meals but we wouldn’t go out as a group.

anyway, the reason I’m posting is because my new DP is a very popular well liked person. Main friendship group consists of around 25 men and then the sports friends - golf, football etc - makes him a very popular person indeed! Invited to lots of events, does big group holidays, big couples nights out etc.

Ive never really questioned my friendship dynamics as it’s all I’ve ever known. But now I feel a little bit embarrassed about it all, feel I should have more friends or put myself out there more but if truth me told I like keeping myself to myself, I enjoy solid strong friendships and connection with genuine people, I’ve met new people along the way in life and people have come/gone but the friends I have now have always stuck around. I’ve never been good at small talk and the b’tching that sometimes goes on in groups but somehow I do feel like he must think I’m extremely sad given how many people he knows.

I have told him how I feel and he said he doesn’t care about all of that. But i suppose I am a bit insecure as all his friends wives are part of big girl groups.

has anyone else had a relationship dynamic like this before and found it to be a problem?

My husband has loads of friends in a huge circle, partly because of his job (they live in eachother's pockets a lot of the time) and partly just because he's a gregarious, larger than life person by nature. People just like him and he collects friends effortlessly as he moves through the world.

I'm quieter and more reserved and have four really solid ride or die friends and that's basically it. I get on fine with my work colleagues but don't consider them friends and don't feel the need to have as wide or as varied a social circle as my husband.

It doesn't cause problems though and nor should it. We just socialise differently. Everyone is different and there's no right or wrong way to have friends, including having none at all if you're happy that way.

If it upsets you though there's no harm in branching out a bit, joining some clubs, seeing who you meet along the way. But don't be embarrassed or ashamed of having a smaller circle - there's nothing wrong with it at all.

For starters, I think it's helpful to separate friends and acquaintances. He can't possibly have 25 male friends that happened to be part of the same "friendship group" alongside their wives. There may be one or two there who are his friends, the kind you pour your soul to. There simply is not enough time in adult life to manage close connections with 25 people.
I have precisely four friends. Yes, I could absolutely manage to scrape together two dozen acquaintances but have no desire to do so.
My ex was very extraverted and was constantly out with his mates in various combinations, yet if you ask him, he'll tell you that he only has three friends and the rest are simply people he hangs out with.
So, on that basis, no. You should not feel embarrassed. I don't see why you would.

Thanks both for your comments. Yes I agree at lot of the people he hangs out with are merely acquaintances and not people he would confide in etc. however doesnt help that the partners and females in his life are all the same with lots of girlfriends and girl groups.

i suppose there really is no reason for me to feel embarrassed or ashamed - i am who i am and i have no desire to make new friends at this stage. I don’t have the time being a single parent and working. I barely have the time for my small circle as it is.