I have had a boyfriend for 3 years, he is a single man with a daughter he pays for but unfortunately does not see. I have a child in their teens and I’ve worked part time until recently to ( last few years). I’ve also dealt with emotional abuse from my ex of many years and have had no support except for the minimum payment, and difficulty with access.
So I’m playing catch up here and have not been focussing as I should have on both pension, property and savings and investment. I intend to try and make up for it now.
So my boyfriend had said he wanted marriage and a child. However he’s got himself in a situation where he’s financially comfortable with a lodger. I don’t think he could afford his house, and have much to spend on the side due to debts accumulated. Obviously this could be addressed. My issue is he has committed to myself and my child moving in, and backed out three times. He’s actually gone as far as showing the room to my child last time so this is not acceptable. Prior he has wanted us to move in with his lodger, or tried to persuade me to sublet my place to him, however I am not allowed. He seemed to think I could break the rules, and I’ve refused. This is obviously a second red flag alongside the first three. A fourth being he’s saying he wants a child but will not consider ivf, I suppose that’s his perogative but how will it ever happen if we don’t get on with things?
In addition when I try and have a clear conversation about the future, having split and since reconnected he gets cross and seems to flip the conversation. I’m unclear if he think I’m doing what he’s doing it it’s for the benefit of his friend overhearing. Very odd indeed.
He’s also saying he wants to retire and move away, and seems to think as he’s paying for the house he decides where. He’s since agreed to compromise. When I worked out his pension vs income it’s obvious he’ll have to still work in some way. He’s since said he meant retire but still work? Just total lack of clarity, and refuses to discuss more. As a partnership I think clear discussion about the future at this point is important, to avoid any confusion again and I do think this is the last time we approach a solution the three of us! I can only do so much I can’t force commitment and I don’t want to be lead on. I have explained I’d like to invest in property, and he says fine if you buy half we decide where together or buy separately.
He is alluding to let’s have fun and discuss dates and plans later, but I’d like clarity upfront as to our potential plans at this stage.
To me it feels like he is not able to commit or think as a pair. I will understandably struggle to trust him after he’s let me down beforehand. I think I am best to walk away but am I being unreasonable here?