How do I find out the truth?

[Lolasyms]

I’ll start by saying the trust in my relationship just isn’t there, my husband has done lots over the years which have made me doubt his loyalty but I have never had concrete proof. Last year he shared his location with me on an app, after getting a new phone he decided to that he no longer wanted to do this and thought that it was as he put it ‘weird’, so I didn’t push it.

Fast forward to this week he’s been on a week away with a group of friends. For some reason he has turned his location on (maybe to use maps) and unbeknownst to him I can see his location. Last night he went out and met up with a different group of friends, as well as some of his group, that were staying in the same area.

I woke early this morning and decided to check his location, I guess I wanted reassurance that he’d got back ok after a night out (he doesn’t have a very healthy relationship with alcohol in my opinion). His location was in a completely different place, in a chalet around a 40 minute walk from his. I tried to call him, but he hasn’t answered and texts that I sent him last night have not been responded to.

I have since checked and watched as he made his way back to his accommodation at what would have been 6am.

In my opinion this looks very dodgy, I can’t help thinking he has gone home with another woman. Another option is that he has gone back to the other group’s accommodation. I just don’t know what to think. If I ask him outright, I really believe he will just say he went back to his accommodation and forgot to text me, we often have disagreements on how much he drinks and he always wants to be the last to leave any sort of party.

I don’t know what to think! I could tell him I can see his location, but then he will likely just tell me he went back to his friends. Whether that’s the truth or not.

It's strange because everyone is entitled to privacy even when in a relationship. I don't need to know that my partner made it safe to work. He managed it for nearly 30 years before meeting me, why would I suddenly treat him as a five-year-old. I also don't necessarily want anyone to know my exact whereabouts. For starters, it's unsafe. Plenty of people turned out to be abusers years into the relationship and I will never put myself in a situation where I am exposed like that.
Nothing is wrong with a phone call for a quick update on ETA if someone is heading home or stuck in traffic on the way to pick you up.
Even more sinister than this, I don't know who could possibly be connecting to my phone or children's phone via public WiFi. I don't want them to be able to track me or my family.

You will never get the truth.

You need to decide if you want this relationship - if you trust, feel loved / respected

Don't tell him about the location being on, play dumb and watch. If you are $$ better where you are, stay a while longer, gather paperwork and some money, and keep watching the location finder.

If you are right, you will eventually get your proof. Then you will be in a better position to leave.
If you are wrong, you'll still be better off and you'll feel more confident.

I don't need to know but I can't be the only wife who is happy to know her husband has arrived safely at work and not been in an accident on the way? If he is stuck in traffic, i don't want him using his phone either! Why waste time with a phonecall when I get a notification of "XX has arrived at XX", it literally comes through on my watch while I'm getting the kids ready for school.

I understand you not wanting to expose yourself like that or be in that situation but clearly we are in very different relationships because the only privacy I need from my DH is when i'm on the toilet! I don't feel the need to hide anything from him so why hide my location? It seems such a non-issue to us that we don't think it's weird.

If anyone joins our WiFi, we get a notification and we block it until we know what or who it is and wifi isn't on outside of the house. Mobile data yes, but not wifi. My kids actually turn the wifi bit off until they get home.

Not me but life360 was helpful when my friend's child lost their phone, and Snap Maps when my sister's phone was stolen.

Leaving at 6am, id be more inclined to think after party. My DH never got in till after 5 this morning from a party, he was with my male family members, so defo nothing dodgy. If he was having sex and didn't need to rush home as he's on holiday, surely he'd have stayed later than 6am.

I wish 360 had been around when my H was cheating with his strumpet.

Amen, hear hear! 🙌 This absolutely. End the relationship. Why are you putting up with this, you deserve so much better?! Know your worth.

You either trust him or you don't. But this thing about couples going on holiday separately seems to stir up a lot of angst. And puts people into temptation when they may have had a few drinks and someone seems really nice and so much more attentive than their partner. I don't really get it, why do people not want to be with their partners on holiday?

If you need to check up on your husband, it’s not a good relationship.

That said, find my iPhone will frequently say I’m round the corner from my house when I’m definitely not!

This is exactly what I was thinking.

regardless, he’s given you reason in the past not to trust him, he’s ignored your messages & calls and you’re not happy at all. Even if he’s not cheated by going to this chalet last night you should still leave. You deserve better than to spend your life like this

We have Life360 too, although it's mainly to keep track of my elderly Dad.
I don't go anywhere that my DH doesn't know anyway so it's not an issue to us.
My DH starts work ridiculously early and if the weather is bad, I do like to know he's there or if I'm travelling with work, he likes to see I'm safe.
I don't see anything odd with it.

What in the past has made you think this way ?
I know of many men that genuinely wouldn't cheat but would definitely end up in the arse end of nowhere and avoid admitting it ( my husbands colleagues are mostly younger then us . But it seems to me you ending it should be more about him failing to give you security enough that you dont have these thoughts ( not a suspicion)

Don’t mention it and check his phone. He’s not going to say oh yeah I slept at another woman’s house whom I met out…

Me and my partner and son all have ‘find my iPhone’. I think I’ve used it once to check DP’s location for him when he thought he had lost his phone. However, if he ever told me he thought it was weird that I could see his location and was going to turn it off, I would be highly suspicious and honestly would start making contingency plans. If it walks like a duck etc.

You know that you are wasting what should be a happy life with this man. You know he’s been unfaithful, even if there’s a slight chance this isn’t the case on this particular occasion. Separate from him in your head and start making a plan to be free of him and his selfishness and disloyalty.