Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Your opinion on his behaviour please.

13 replies

Elizabeth2108 · 09/01/2026 15:56

I live in a very small village where I work in the local shop. There is one other shop that is literally right around the corner.

Back in April, I became romantically involved with a man the same age as me who had just moved into the village after buying his first house.
We actually met through the shop which is where we first met.

Things were so fantastic at first, the kissing was amazing and he even said he felt like he had met someone special and I was such an amazing girl, but he kept saying he did not want to commit just yet and wanted to stay friends just for now, as he had only come out of a relationship six weeks before he met me, he was with her for 18 months, and his head still not right and the timing was wrong.

We continued to be close friends, having a lot of contact with eachother as in every few days, and then regrettably sleeping together for the first time after a drunken night out in the village in the September.
(I see him in the local pubs all the while along with my friends, this is how it usually happened with me going back to his house)

But he continued to keep saying, even in the October after sex, that he still was in such a bad place and not over his ex and us sleeping together was a mistake 😢, so he could not commit to me or anyone else at all as he was struggling to move on from his ex, but please still be his friend, and he promised me he was not seeing or speaking to anyone else and that I could trust him as he was not ready for a relationship with anyone.

And then right before Christmas, he messaged a month later after saying that saying he had met someone else in the November and was now seeing her, and could not contact me anymore as he was a loyal person and did not want to jeopardise anything with her.

I am devastated, he could not commit to me after nine months but could with her after five weeks. I feel so worthless.
I know I'm an idiot, but I foolishly fell for him, and over Christmas and New year, I messaged him telling him him how heartbroken I feel, and that I dread the day I ever bump into him again in the village as I don't think my heart could take it, but he never answered as he told me he wouldn't.

He has even spent all new year week away with her after only knowing her for 8 weeks, even though I have no idea who she is, other than she is not from the village.

But this week, my friend who I work with, he knows she is my best friend, tells me he keeps going in the shop now that he is back but luckily I have not been there, even though he never used to come in the shop at all while we were seeing eachother.
She says he is always alone when he comes in, as I really can't face seeing him with someone else.

It has deeply unnerved me.

Do you think he is doing it to provoke me as there is a shop right around the corner that he can go too, even though he wouldn't return my messages which I have now stopped to keep my dignity?

OP posts:
Marmaladegin · 09/01/2026 15:58

OP he’s not that into you, never was, and you’ve dodged a bullet.

NigellaAwesome · 09/01/2026 16:00

I think you need to go easy on both yourself and him. He clearly liked you, but couldn’t see himself with you long term. That’s ok. It doesn’t make him bad, and it doesn’t make you worthless, or worth less than this new woman. Try to reframe it as a nice time whilst it lasted, and now it’s over.

Deliberations · 09/01/2026 16:02

For whatever reason - you just weren't right for this guy. Unfortunately that didn't stop him sleeping with you which is shitty.
Don't waste any energy working out why - it doesn't matter. In a small village i guess it's inevitable you'll bump into him at somepoint. If/When he comes into the shop - Just try and stay professional - take a deep breath and you'll be fine.

Whosthetabbynow · 09/01/2026 16:04

He wasn’t sufficiently interested in you. It’s harsh but forget about him x

purpleme12 · 09/01/2026 16:06

He might be doing it to provoke you but either way he really sounds shitty and not worth being with in any way

CamillaMcCauley · 09/01/2026 16:07

Don’t feel worthless, you just weren’t right for this guy which I strongly suspect is a blessing in disguise.

333FionaG · 09/01/2026 16:13

He sounds flaky as fuck, and you'll come to realise you have dodged a bullet in time. When you see him around the village, just nod and smile and walk on.

DaisyChain505 · 09/01/2026 16:16

He wanted the sex from you without having to commit incase he found someone else.

Let this one go @Elizabeth2108 he’s not worth another second of your thoughts.

His behaviour is a reflection of him not you.

outerspacepotato · 09/01/2026 16:18

He was still processing a recent breakup and he wasn't that into you. It doesn't sound like the two of you were in a romantic relationship. You didn't listen to what he was telling you. You fell for him but those feelings weren't returned.

He's been pretty upfront with you. He didn't want a relationship with you. When he met someone else, he called a halt to your casual sexual situationship.

Your feelings aren't his problem. You're better off just moving on. If he comes in your business, you don't need to do anything.

Boomer55 · 09/01/2026 16:40

Perhaps it’s best not to have sex with someone obviously not that interested in you.

Diarygirlqueen · 09/01/2026 21:17

OP, you have wrote about this before, please move on from him. If he wanted you, he would be with you.

TwistedWonder · 09/01/2026 21:28

This is an almost identical thread - you’ve already been given honest opinions. You will get exactly the same on this one .

He told you from start he only wanted sex and you chose to ignore what was made absolutely clear. He’s not interested in dating you - at best he’s keeping you as a back up shag when he’s at a loose end.

Find your self respect - move on.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5468714-please-i-need-advice-whether-he-is-telling-me-the-truth?utmcampaign=thread&utmmedium=appshare

NuffSaidSam · 09/01/2026 21:39

I reckon it's time to start leaving the village occasionally. Get out there and see the world (or at least the next village over).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread