Ways to make friends in your 40s!

[Pinkpencils22]

Suggestions of how to make friends in your 40s please! Due to various circumstances over the years, I’ve ended up with not many friends (gah that sounds so awful!).

Back story: Since leaving home at 18 I’ve lived in 7 different places (various places in the UK and abroad) so have never really settled or been able to put down roots.

• School friends - my hometown isn’t near to where I live now and there was a big falling out in the last year of school.
• Uni friends - group of friends but everyone drifted apart, second degree everyone was older so came to lectures and went home.
• Work friends - see a few maybe once a year but they’re scattered and weren’t that close.
• Mum friends - nct group drifted once everyone went back to work, we moved back to the uk from abroad so I’ve not got that group of school mum friends because he started his current school in y4 so didn’t get those early reception play dates / parties etc. My son does football so I chat to one mum there and have done a few play dates.
• Husband’s friends wives - see occasionally but don’t live nearby. See one regularly who is a good friend.

When I lived abroad, I had a really close group of friends who became like family and thinking about it, it was the only time since middle school that I’ve felt that I was part of a proper group of girlfriends. Since moving back to the UK, these friends are scattered around the world now (see them once or twice a year). My best friend from uni days died 5 years ago, 2 other close friends from that time live in countries that are really hard to travel to. My MIL who I counted as a really close friend passed away a few months ago. I’m not close to my sister.

I'm not outgoing (which doesn’t help!) and also quite like my own company (which also doesn’t help!). I’m a sahm so don’t have work colleagues but so far I’ve tried: Lots of different gym classes (nothing but general brief chit chat - I tend to be about 10 - 30 years younger than most of the people at the classes due to going in the day), sewing class (love them but ditto the age thing!), reaching out to neighbours (slow burner - lovely but seem very busy), peanut and bumble friends (not many people near me) and meet-up (lots of breakfast in Wetherspoons and learn to tarot card read - neither of which are my thing!!). My husband works away so I can’t do classes / activities in the evenings.

Sorry this is so long but I just wondered if anyone else had been in the same situation or had any new ideas! Thanks!!

Get a dog

Sorry, probably not what you want to hear, but all the good friends I've made in recent years (I'm 45) are colleagues.

Same op. I’m going to refresh my bumble friends and peanut profiles tonight as it happens . I’ve made one new friend on bumble and it seems to be going well .

I think it’s a combo of things, at this age. We met a few through my sons sport, like you. Then some from both primary and secondary school. I’ve made a few more from a book club that I joined and my dh from a sport/hobby he does. I guess it’s coming forward and if you do find someone you click with, don’t wait to suggest a coffee or other meet up, so you can make it more than just an accidental meet up on the sidelines.

I'm in the same boat having moved to a new town, but must say that I'm starting to make some good friends through work. How about a voluntary job? I've found that you do have to make quite a bit of effort to build new friendships, and I'm like you quite happy in my own company, so there isn't that real motivation! How about getting more involved in the PTA? Or I find church groups to be quite friendly, if you're religious.

Join some groups, hobby group, choir, gym.

Hobbies. Runners make a lot of friends if they join a running club.

I think the unusual bit is being SAHM to school age kids and having your sparetime in the day. Most other people who are around in the day are either younger with babies/toddlers or much older and retired. And that’s who comes to the daytime hobbies/exercise classes or volunteering.

How old is your son now? Why not join the school’s PTA - it may not be entirely your cup of tea, but it will immediately give you regular contact with a bunch of parents with similar age kids. And be more proactive chatting at pick up - be brave, suggest a coffee.

Have you tried looking at Meetup? It will vary with where you live but there’s things like theatre meet-ups and book clubs etc in my area.

Go back to work. Otherwise you will need to accept that most people free in the daytime are retired, or on maternity leave, and you're unavailable in the evenings when people in their 40s are more likely to be free.

I also think you're writing school connections off too readily. We moved countries just before the first covid lockdown, when DS was eight, and I still invited classmates he liked round for playdates while we could. Later we met at the beach. I'm still friends with the parents of his friends.

MeetUp - you can filter by area and interest.

Hobbies - I've made some lovely friends in my 50s through a nightclass I do

A dog - again, made a great group of friends through a dog walking meet up that one of them advertised on Facebook.

Go back to paid work or do voluntary work - gets you out of the house and you might become good friends with some colleagues

I'd say don't dismiss people who are in a different age bracket from you. I have friends who are both 10 years younger and 10+ years older than me. We still have a lot in common. Yes, we may be in different stages of life. I probably will be no good talking about bringing up young children or choosing the beat funeral plan but everything on between is a lot less impacted by age than you think.
Although, I have to say that most of my friends are either current or former colleagues or people I met in evening classes.
I never managed to make any on a commercial gym but if you have a CrossFit gym near you, I find it's the best for socialising. Its the first thing I look up when I know I'd be staying somewhere new for a while including of I go abroad on holiday for more than a week. Fabulous way to meet some locals!

Join a choir (even if you don't sing), W.I, gym classes (if you are free daytime), volunteer at a local arts centre, hobby group (not virtual), walking group/parkrun.

If none of these type of things suit look up events etc on local noticeboards, county council websites. Good luck.

our lives are very similar OP! Down to the sewing ❤
I’m in the same situation. I’m in my late 40s, just moved to my forever home in a small town and I’m pushing myself to be extra sociable, no matter the age of the people I encounter. If you can afford it, consider a regular babysitter so you can have for example 1 evening of freedom per week, where you can join random activities or go out with people you get to know a bit better.

DM me if you’re in Oxfordshire ;)