I know what the answer is but is there a glimmer?

[Eeek11]

I’ve been with my partner for 18 years. We have three children. A lot of things have happened and he no longer speaks to his parents/siblings. Which will make me feel guilty if I ask him to leave…we haven’t had sex in 3 years in February. He’s just so angry all the time (stopped taking his antidepressants) he’s so so lazy and won’t do anything unless I “ask” him too. I know what everyone is going to say I know in my heart of hearts it’s over.

Like how do you just tell him to go when there’s no support for him? I cannot continue another year like this it’s like having a 4th child.
I don’t know where I’m going with this please be kind.

What about having a trial separation?

You just tell him to go. Without knowing the backstory into his lack of contact with his family it’s hard to tell if that’s part of the reason for the separation too - but you don’t need to sacrifice yourself to a relationship you don’t want to be in just to “be there” for someone. He can find other means of support, you don’t need to burden yourself with being that for someone who doesn’t care.

His support (or lack thereof) is not your problem. He can figure it out. Maybe the reason he doesn't have a support (not just family) network is the same reason the relationship with you is failing - he is lazy, doesn't make an effort etc. In any case he is a grown ass man, not a fourth child, as you say.

I think I’ve been hoping for a change for so long I am done now. I need to work up the courage to ask him to go xx

This sounds very difficult for you and there also appears a lot more to it. Are you connected in any way to why he doesn’t speak to his parents/siblings? Is that why you feel guilty and he is so angry/depressed? Depression can make people feel lethargic and uninterested in sex. Perhaps some relationship counselling/mediation may help you both.

What was he like when he was on the antidepressants? Was he helpful then? Has he always been an angry person.
I think a trial separation sounds like a good idea for you both.
But if you were ever happy together and wanted to work things out if he got himself back on medication and couple therapy it might be ok?

Can you tell him to go? Is the house owned by both of you jointly/rented/in your name only?

He must be aware that the relationship is over. He may well be relieved.

I have no relationship with any of my biological family. I wouldn’t expect anyone to tiptoe around me just because I’m NC with my parents and sibling. I’m a big girl and I can handle my own life, as can he if he needs to.