Immediate advice wanted please and support

[Pistachiocoffeeyes]

I am feeling rather broken - down this morning and I’m unsure of what to do, I don’t know what’s right anymore and how i should be feeling.

DP and I have had a lot of stress over the last 5 months I’d say. Broken - down business, job redundancy, severe Health problems and a house that is literally crumbling from the roof!

DP since Christmas I’d say has started to act quite nasty towards me. I felt as though he negatively impacted Christmas Day because the because really miserable and stopped interacting with my family. When we got home he said he wasn’t happy because he only got 3 presents from my parents whereas my BIL got a lot more! I was just astounded at this to be honest.

fast - forward to yesterday and I was very sick in bed. When he came home he raged at me because he barely slept and he didn’t want to take our son to his hair - cut or to his swimming lesson! I don’t took DS swimming to help cheer him up. On arriving home, he was drunk. He told me that i’m not fun anymore and that I’m not as nice as I think I am.

sorry for the long message. I think I’m tying to get my head around what the hell is going on and how much I’m willing to put up with things.

please excuse my terrible wording!

This all just sounds awful OP, sorry for all youve been through. Are you married, how old is your DC?
It sounds like there is no kindness there....for me once kindness is gone, there's no love...

Is this new behaviour / out of character???

initial advice:
You are sick right now.

Focus on a calm house (just dont engage too much with him. Eg "That's fine ill take ds you have a break. You dont need to yell.") and getting better for the next week.

After that id want a proper discussion

Thank you so much for your reply. We have an eight - year old son and are engaged to be married.

I agree with you. Kindness to your partner, to anyone is so important. I am a real people pleaser so I can’t get my head around why he would/could be so nasty especially right now. He knows how unwell and stressed I am. I am trying to be positive everyday but he’s not seeing it.

I love this advice thank you. You are completely right. I need to get better, I need to focus on a calm house.

He actually has acted in this way before. Years ago when our son was a baby, he cheated on me but I was so suffocated with post natal depression I forgave it and kept on moving to keep the family together. He also suffers from depression but refuses to seek help so I’m wondering if it’s that in part.

I just really want/ need advice on what I should be doing because I think I am so close to being taken for granted out of fear.

thank you so much 😊

Okay so he has got form.

What you also need to think hard before you talk to him is what is "acceptable behaviour" and what you want for your life.

This...
He also suffers from depression but refuses to seek help
would be absolutely unacceptable to me.

It just wouldn't be an environment for me to live in and I wouldn't raise my children in that environment. It is just a no.

As a parent, in particular, he has a responsibility to keep himself healthy as possible not inflict this misery on his child and on you.

If he wanted to stay a part of my family he'd need to go and get treatment.

Look hard at what people do and less what people say.

If he isnt doing the things he needs to that is a clear signal.
You either chose to stay in that misery or you chose a different path

Agree with other posters that say focus on getting well first then tackle things in stages. It will take a lot of courage
but im sure youd be happier single than being treated like this. Stay strong

Posdibly an affair and he's trying to get you to end the relationship.

Once you get well, get your ducks in order. You really, really don't want a partner or husband who gets verbally abusive when you're ill and shirks parenting.

Hopefully you work and have financial independence.

Thanks so much for all of your comments. I have been super sick but much better right now. It is still continuing - the nasty comments. I don’t think that many ladies would have put up with some of the things that he has said to me over the past few weeks BUT I am not in a place of being anywhere close to being independent right now. I was made redundant two months ago and I’m really struggling to get new employment.

Hope you feel better soon.

Keep on seeking employment and from that start to plan your exit from this relationship. Where is your real life support here; do you have family who can help?. Are they helpful to you?

Does this man really suffer from depression or is he using that as an excuse to be abusive to you. It could be argued he is angry because he is at heart abusive, not because he is angry.

You forgave his cheating but it was really over when he did that to you. You owe him nothing now let alone a relationship here.

This overall is no model of a relationship to be showing your kids and he is really taking advantage also of you being a people pleaser. This state also causes you problems because such often stems from wanting to parent please an avoidant or otherwise emotionally absent parent.