Have You Ever Chosen Silence in a Relationship Just to Keep the Peace?

[ADHDMumHere]

I’ve learned that relationships don’t fall apart because of one big fight,
they slowly break when feelings stay unspoken and assumptions take over.
I used to think love means understanding without explaining now I know communication matters more than silence.
Have you ever stayed quiet just to keep peace, but lost yourself in the process?

Yes. Get out now before they crush you.

Yes, leave, it will kill your soul, it’ll make you smaller and greyer.

Yes. Don't do it.

Yes, for me it’s resentment.
I hate it when people say that it’s abusive to use the silent treatment, when actually they might just be staying quiet as there’s nothing to say any more. You’ve tried asking, begging and then shouting.

The silent treatment is quite different though. I am sure you would reply if your partner asked you if you would like a cup of tea. Someone who is giving the silent treatment, wouldn't.

To answer OP's question, yes. And it's no way to live.

I haven’t…but ask yourself why you think you should settle for that and tolerate it in silence.

Yes. I stayed quiet to keep the peace, thinking love meant being easy and understanding without words. But silence didn’t protect the relationship — it slowly erased me. I learned that unspoken feelings don’t disappear, they just turn into distance. Real connection isn’t mind-reading; it’s choosing to speak even when it feels uncomfortable.

Is this the same as emotional detachment which I've recognised in people. Saying nothing to keep from an awful escalating verbal explosion.

Yes. And I've vowed to myself I'll never fall into that trap ever again. It took years for me to pull myself out of it and feel like me again, not just some compliant shadow in the background of someone else's life.

No never and I was always fine raising issues. When they didn’t listen they got dumped. My track record is 4 relationships, the last one actually listened.

Yes. The odd tactful letting-things-pass is fine in a healthy relationship; allowing yourself to disappear will destroy your soul.

Yes. During the last few years of my marriage I would keep quiet rather than talking to him. It's a very lonely place. I'm glad to be out of it.

Conflict avoidance (choosing to be silent) kills a relationship. Your silence forces you to feel irrelevant. Like you don’t matter. And you are unheard. This leads to resentment. Of your own doing.

Depends on the definition of silent, just saying nothing at all or learning that it’s easier to keep conversations away from the issues that cause arguments

If it's at that point I'd rather leave why would you hang around for that crap

100% this! Well put.
If you cant be yourself in a relationship, be heard and free to express your feelings (in a healthy way) then its not right.
All relationships have issues/conflicts, the right ones can talk through things and resolve them in a healthy manner, not sit on things and bury them

Yes.
And as a result I took me way too long to leave my exH.
I was on the phone with my best friend at least once a week for a few years telling her all about it and how miserable I was….but always ended up talking myself out of leaving.
Eventually, it hit me: “will I be happy if this is what my life looks like in 10 years?”
I got the ball rolling with my exit plan that same day.

I’ve been married a long time and I have learned to pick my battles. So, I don’t sweat the small stuff (the ridiculous way he loads the dishwasher, his inability to find anything in a cupboard) but I would never stay silent on the things that really matter, I’m just not wired that way. If either of us is cross or unhappy we discuss it.