My partner is in pub all the time.

[drainingk]

My partner and the father to my child is on the sick and he keeps going to the pub. Continously when we have no money and im constantly left alone cause of him

You dont even know me to make such a nasty comment. I do everything for those kids, and im trying to do whats best for all of us and im still figuring that out hence the call out for help stop with the attacks

He won't change.
You won't leave.
This is your life now if you let it be.
And unfortunately, your children's too.

He leaves you with no money. You beg him back and cry.
How is that ‘doing everything for those kids’?

Hey OP, people are stating it's your fault, there right but there others ways to tell you the same thing.

Your current guy is spending all his time down the pub right? That makes him an alcoholic. That makes you cry - even that is enough to make you leave him. He is spending what little you do have left - down the pub. He is abusive, that's not your fault, far from it, but it's your fault for staying.

Xxx

Because you have thrown in your lot with a man who is an addict and that will be affecting them? Because as an adult you are modelling that your relationship is more important then their welfare? Because you are a parent but afraid to adult on your own? You cant stop him. You cant cure him. The only thing that would change him is if he wanted to. Yes life will be more difficult. But good parenting in not about transportation options.

No. I work i have my own money what im saying is we struggle for money and points of the month because of the money he has wasted. Which stops things that should not be stopped its not like they dont get fed.. that has been taken out of context.

You have a choice re this man and your children do not. Staying with this drunkard for your own reasons does not help you or they.

You cannot cure his alcoholism; he has to do that for his own self and he does not want to. You’re pretty much alone now as it is so you may as well be a single parent to your kids without him in their or your day to day lives. They need a happy mother, not a constantly preoccupied codependent one. I think you’re also confusing love with codependency. What us there to love about him exactly?.

Your ex was abusive and now you’re with a drunkard. Your boundaries here , skewed by previous abuse, are being further eroded by this man now. Your kids cannot afford to learn such damaging
lessons about relationships. Enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme and be on your own until your boundaries are a lot healthier.

You do realise that this man could go onto lose everything and everyone around him and still continue to drink afterwards?.

If you do indeed love yourself and your kids you would end this relationship asap. He is not worth your tears.

It's great that you work and have access to your own money, is there a way to save. Little bit of that or do more hours so you can build up a pot to leave?
You and your children deserve better than this but only you can change that because he clearly loves drink more than anything else.

Your right

Alcohol will always be his first priority, above you, your children and a roof over your head.

You need to leave him and hope he reaches rock bottom and gets the help he needs.

He has to want to get help and commit to recovery. You can’t make him or force him.

Sounds like you’d be better off without him If he’s drinking all your money?

His primary relationship is with drink, not you and it’s not been with you either. You’re going to have to be very brave here and accept this relationship is over.
This is who he is and he’s not going to change for you. You are only responsible for your own choices and actions.

As I’ve already mentioned you have a choice re him and your kids do not. Make better choices going forward with primarily they as well as you in mind. They do not need a drunkard in their day to day lives. And not for that matter do you.

I know they dont and i do need to be brave just extremely hard holding everythin together and holdin it together especially since i have no family support

Check what benefits you'd be entitled to if you were on your own: https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

Whose names is the tenancy in?

If you can't afford to live on your own, then consider sharing with/renting out a room to another woman, who has a job, isn't an alcoholic and would be more reliable in paying her share of the household expenses.

This guy is bad news all over and he is definitely not choosing you. He loves you, at best, when it's convenient for him and doesn't cost him anything. Is that all you think you're worth? He's not worth keeping, and he's not worth the wasted effort to unsuccessfully try to change him.

So he's on the sick? What for? I ask because if it's because of his drinking then his job will be on a shoogly peg. He won't get sick pay forever even if he doesn't get fired.

Once he can't pay for the car and whatever else what are you going to do. You do realise that throwing your lot in with an alcoholic is a long term project with no guaranteed success ie a happy life for you all.

It might be harder in some ways, but without this mans negative impact on your life, I bet it will be easier in some ways too.

A car?! You'd rather not take a bus so it means you stay with a drunk . Holidays? Why would you want to go on holidays with a drunk .

You really need to step back and take a look at your life . You deserve better and your kids definitely do .

You work which is great, kids will be entitled to some childcare soon , he will pay a bit of CM , your life will definitely change for the better . It will be scary doing it on your own at first but many many women do it . It is a pity you don't have family support but you can access some by yourself . Contact Citizens Advice and Womens Aid they can help guide you .

Your right thankyou

That may well be the case. However, I am a daughter of an abusive alcoholic. My mum luckily finally decided to leave him when I was 11. 11 years of hell that was.
We didn't have a car. We never went on holidays. But my parents separating was the best thing that happened to me!
Nothing, absolutely nothing replaces a safe home. Not a car not a holiday, not a pair of trainers. Nothing!

If that's what you want, then you'll have to put up with him going to the pub.

Leave.
Think of the children.
What an awful example he is setting.
Want better for yourself and your kids!

When your children are older they are not going to be reflecting on their childhood and thinking about whether or not you had a car. They are going to be thinking about their alcoholic father/step father who spent all the families money on alcohol and their mother who didn’t feel confident enough to leave him.