Finding love again with 4 kids

[Lmlrts]

Hello
So my ex left nearly a year ago. It’s been amicable and we were both not happy together. He moved on after a few weeks, introduced her to our kids, holidays together and now they are engaged.
I am happier without him and have friends and a great family. I exercise and work. I’m just so fed up and bored some evenings (without sounding like a victim) and can’t imagine ever finding anyone that would want a single mum of 4. I think I’m just feeling sorry for myself tonight thinking of my Exs new fabulous life and having the best of both worlds while I’m sat at home with the kids. He does have the kids when he should and is a very good dad but obviously the majority is down to me. Just feeling bit fed up with the day to day grind of everything today!
Any positive stories please chuck my way!

Am in a similar situation. remember crying down the phone to my bestie who would ever want a mid forties mum to four (two of whom are autistic), with no assets to her name…

But then a long term friend (who I had never looked at in that way) made a move. He was also getting divorced after a long term marriage, and after a lot of big discussions, I decided to lean into it.

and… that was 15 months ago.

We haven’t told our kids or ex partners, because we are enjoying our ‘new’ relationship and want it all to be right before we go public. And we don’t plan to any time soon. It’s really quite nice havjng a secret, although a few friends know (and are thrilled for us!).

it was VERY unexpected and has been absolutely wonderful. I have zero expectations, I can’t see us being able to live together for a long time (nor do I have any desire too!) but when I have one night off during the week and EOW, I spend 80% of those times with him.

anyway, it took me completely by surprise and has been absolutely incredible. I never would have predicted it happening to me. We talk every day, are planning on being together for the rest of our lives and so our motto is ‘no rush’.

good luck. It sounds like your ex is rushing to fill a void, and whilst I don’t know any of you, my gut instinct leads me to believe that isnt healthy…

Wow I love this story! how wonderful for you!
How long were you single for?
thanks so much for sharing, you have given me hope!

I am currently dating a single dad with about gazillion children. He splits kids 50/50 with his ex and has them every weekend to boot. While it's made things somewhat tricky, we make it work. I like him enough to accommodate his schedule and he likes me enough to prioritise our time together on the days he doesn't have kids. So, it's definitely worth a shot getting out there and, at least, organising some dates.

My aunt was a single mum of three and her ex wasn't part of their life. So she had kids full time as well as working like mad to provide for them. She was single for about a year before being introduced to her current husband by a friend. They've been together for 25 years this year.

I haven't been in your exact position, but I just wanted to say a couple of things - at our stage in life many folks have children and other commitments. This is true for the men too. And, relationships don't have to be about moving in and blending families. It is entirely possible to have part-time relationships - and for them to be perfect for both people involved. You can have date nights/holidays when the kids are with their dad. No need to even introduce him to your kids if its not the right time/thing to do. So, get out there and see what there is - you could find a perfect match for you and your situation!

I have 4 children, my ex and are still very amicable, and I met my partner 6 years ago next month. He is lovely and wonderful and my boys love him. He’s very kind and patient, youngest has Sen and we’ve all been through a rough time over the years with him, he and my partner are very close. He also gets on with my ex. I had the same worries re finding someone when I have 4 kids - partner has none of his own. I was single for quite a long time before we met, I didn’t find it a priority to meet someone thought it would be nice and with 4 kids and a busy job time is also a factor. I’m sure when the time is right you’ll meet the right person

From what I’ve observed in real life, it happens, but it’s not all that common. I know a lot of women who haven’t found anyone post divorce / separation. Male partners seem to move on much faster (less picky?)
I’m 6 years out and still not found anyone suitable, all but given up trying really. Dc are teens and so it just doesn’t feel like it will happen. Hoping I’ll find my peace with it at some point. Had a little reckless / fun time a few years back so have the memories of that to keep me going when it gets bleak! Oh and I have a lovely cat though she’s not the best when you want a chat and to debrief your day. Good luck OP, you never know and as ‘they’ say, it can happen when you least expect it.

Not even six months. I hadn’t even really considered myself single yet. The marriage hit the rocks three years earlier, and after 3 years of trying, I told STBXH that I wanted to divorce. When my new boyfriend made his move, I wasn’t open to it at all, (I was actually trying to convince him to join some apps so that he could help me when I was ready to do it!) but he put forward a very good case, we talked for weeks, and then I decided I had nothing to lose (but I really didn’t want the kids to know, and I still feel it is too soon for them today!).

as PP said, there is no need for this whole rush to live together and blend our families. They know each other anyway, as we have been friends for a really long time. And it’s fun to keep our relationship a secret without the added pressures of family politics etc. When we have our time together, it’s our time, and we can indulge ourselves.

it’s not a competition or a race with your ex… like I said, it seems as if he is trying hard to fill a void. Please, focus on being happy and rediscovering your life. I threw myself into yoga and Pilates (both new to me, and I was terribly unfit!), walking with friends and their dogs, anything (that didn’t cost too much) but got me out and focused on my inner peace. It really helped keep me calm when everything around me felt like utter chaos. And I think because I did this, I was able to be open to this new relationship, IYKWIM???

I was in the same position on my own with my 4DC and my ex husband was useless but I went onto meet my DH and we had our DD together and we've been together 20 years now and my DH is Dad to all 5 of our DC and we're now Grandparents to 2 DGC.

So it can happen,I was alone for a few years after I'd split with my ex because I wanted time for my DC and for myself and then I met my now DH and it just worked,despite me already having 4DC it was the calmest,safest and most loving relationship I've been in.

I met my dh about a month after I spilt with my ex I also had 4 dc , married now with no 5 a teenager, very happy . Lots of single men have kids also! I dont think it makes much difference tbh, a very slightly smaller dating pool but not so you’d notice . I’ve been married 3 times, and in between was fighting men off with a shitty stick! And I’m not that much of a prize 😂 I really wouldn’t worry, plenty of choice you just need to work on opportunity , cast your net wide and just meet lots of new people, men and women , expand your circle. That way you can meet someone organically rather than OLD.

Hello
Thank you so much for all your replies. I loved reading all your stories. It’s really perked me up and given me hope. 😊