Family relationships

[HappyPanda23]

Hi all,

I wanted to ask a question, am I a bad person?

I went through a terrible time with my health when I was younger and was diagnosed age 5 with tics and Tourette’s, I grew up and my body wasn’t reacting very well to the medication, I was having these awful spasms which doctors thought were pseudo seizures for years, I was taken off the medication and never had one again, I was then diagnosed age 14 with dystonia which is a movement disorder. I had no trust in medical professionals due to this and I found that it developed into lack of trust of everyone around me, it was a very horrific time in my life and I couldn’t understand it, I was so young, I feel like had no answers. It got to the point during my teenage years that I genuinely believed my mam had something to do with it to, what if she said something or did something? I literally had no trust and my relationship with my mam deteriorated as I had to walk away. I took 4 years out and was finally diagnosed with hypermobility which fits the profile of how I was feeling for years. I decided this year to reach out and fix things with my mam. I wanted to know am I crazy or an awful person for feeling this way about her? I genuinely didn’t know who to believe or trust anymore, I should have reached out for support I know but I couldn’t bare it anymore. This was 4 years ago and my GP recommended counselling and told me the past can’t be changed and to build new memories. But I still feel so guilty and can’t let it go.

It's not you, it's your mother.

What do you feel guilty about?. She likely installed the guilt button along with fear and obligation in you and she's left you feeling guilty. It is a wasted emotion. If anyone should feel guilty here it is your mother but I doubt very much she feels any guilt or remorse for what you went through as a child.

I do not think any good to you will come of being in contact with your mother. She has not changed and she has not apologised nor has accepted any responsibility for her actions.

I would seek therapy re your mother. Interview any therapist carefully and at length before choosing any particular person. BACP is a good place to start.

She did, I don’t know why I felt the way I did but my anxiety was so high about both diagnosis, not knowing what was going on, not getting answers I just didn’t trust anyone

I put absolutely everything into parenting my little ones, my youngest is on the pathway for SEN assessment and my youngest is almost 2 and is thriving. Growing up I knew I always wanted to be the best mother I could. I specialised in autism for 10 years which I’m very thankful for as I feel I can give my oldest the best support possible. The only thing people say is they think I put too much pressure on myself. I am a sufferer of anxiety.

Nope it was just an argument through text and I walked away. I was pregnant at the time. No she didn’t.

You have posted this numerous times - please take note of the many many replies that have said you need to get some help for your anxiety. Please speak to your GP about medication/counselling.

I was worried that me expressing my concerns about it would lead to my ex ringing social services now I’m having a relationship with her , although it was a big misunderstanding I didn’t want people thinking I’d put my kids in a bad situation because I wouldn’t do that ever.

No it wasn’t