I have loads of friends... In theory.

[Sillysandy]

Loads of different circles. I have friends from school,.college, this job, that job, hobbies. I have absolutely loads of friends. I do get invited to social events. I occasionally meet people one on one but it might be for a meal out once a year..

I guess you know where this is going.

I'm so lonely. I have nobody that knows me well anymore, nobody that I'd phone for a chat. If I fancied doing something spontaneous like go to the cinema or to grab a coffee I have nobody to drop a text to and invite. I don't hang around casually and regularly with anyone. I didn't have a single person to suggest speeding New Year's with.

Is this normal? I'm 47. I don't know when this happened. I work for myself now so I don't have the spontaneous socialising with colleagues these days. It could be that I have a family now or that I live further out than i used to.

I really miss the spending time in friends' company of my youth and then later with colleagues. All the chatting and laughing.

If I throw a proper birthday party I have a big long list of people to invite. If I fancied having a small gathering in my house I'd have nobody.

I am still in touch with my old friends but honestly I have changed and the meetups feel a bit perfunctory. I don't think we would make friends now. Also while there used to be a massive group, it's in small circles now and I'm not feeling any great connection. I am teetotal and into fitness, they are quite the opposite.

Anybody feel similarly or have any suggestions? I would like to make friends that live closer to me that we could go for a ramble down the town with to the shops and grab a coffee. Do those friendships develop and how?

Everyone on my street is so friendly but we chat outside. I have managed to organise some street parties but it all feels a bit forced. I have invited people in for coffee, lunch, whatever but it's never really enthusiastically received or reciprocated.

I feel stupid asking this as I'm sure it must be obvious but yet I'm stumped.

Anyone?

I am in my 40s and feel the same. Got lots of
friends but no one to chat to. I had to cut off my longest friend and I miss her company but she was toxic at times.

I have joined some local Facebook ladies groups and coffee groups and hope to go to those soon to meet people. I know friendships take time to develop.

Where abouts in the country are you op? I feel the same I’m 41 when my children were small I was always out and about but now that they are older 18,15 and 10 I feel very lonely. I try and make arrangements but people are always busy in their own lives etc.

Me too @Sillysandy - almost universally popular at work and elsewhere, almost no-one to go out with locally. Will admit that having to keep an eye on elderly M is a factor at the moment though.

Hoping for happy times ahead for you. x

I think a lot of it these days is people are just so busy and finding time for anything outside work and family is an ask too much . The other thing is people move around an awful lot so most people become friends for now not forever . I joined some local groups and now how a circle of friends who go out regularly but I know they aren’t friends for life . I do think friendship has changed in the modern arena

Yes I have hundreds of friends - online. But in reality very few and no one I really text day to day.

In an emergency I can only think of 3 people I'd be comfortable calling, and two of them are family.

I do see a couple of friends a few times a year at pre arranged coffee meet ups.

I'm in my 40's too, I think as you get older it's not uncommon not to have lots of close friends, due to house moves, bereavements, changes of circumstance.

Not just that but in latter years, people just go out less. For example my parents would go to the pub 2-3 times a week. I've never done that.

I was like that before my divorce. Then I realised that 95% of my "friends" were actually acquaintances who i could meet up with occasionally and have a lovely time, but they weren't real friends.

I now have three close friends who i can rely on 100%, and other "friends" I see now amd then.

I totally get where you are coming from.

Gosh a few of us feeling similar.

I live in Dublin.

I'd love someone I could text "heading into town to check out the sales, wanna come? I'll pick you up around 10." I'm sick of formally arranging dinner out, then we get together and it's like a quarterly report on progress etc. Then we say bye and nothing till the next dinner out. I want the day-to-day company.

People say join groups don't they, but often easier said than done. Meet up groups in my area seem mostly for retired people, or online only or a specific interest.

I am in a group (not meet up) where we have the same circumstance, and have been for 10 years. There are occasional events but often it's organise one yourself (and sometimes no one turns up). In that time I've met the same people more than once, and also new people, met new acquaintances, but wouldn't say they've developed into friends. And no one really organises anything. I did for a while but got tired of no reciprocation. And then nothing happens.