When contempt sets in.

[letsjustmenopauseforthought]

Just that really. Been with DP for 12 years. Communication has never been the best. Both have faults. I think I have now reached the point where everything I do annoys him and the respect has gone from him.
Any morning conversation is restricted to grunts From him . The slightest thing I say e.g I hate waking up to the television being switched on at 06:00 regardless of whether I was asleep. Yesterday I mentioned everyone always leaves the dishwasher until only a cup can be put in before it gets turned on. Cue storms out and slammed the door.
I challenged him on it where he denies doing it and mutters under his breath ‘take your fucking tablets (I’m on hrt)you’re fucking mental etc. ‘
I feel broken.

Time to part ways now before even more resentment sets in.

What is the situation re children, the property and finances?.

No joint children. No joint finances. He denies everything but I feel what I feel. I would be devastated to end it but at what cost to me? Could it be menopause and I remain unaware of the changes in my personality?

Why on earth would you be devastated to end it? He sounds really awful. I'd be absolutely delighted to be shot of him.

The menopause for a lot of women is their wake up moment. Until then oestrogen puts us in nurturing and motherhood mode. Many men benefit from our inbuilt kindness.

Then oestrogen reduces and suddenly we can’t believe what a mug we’ve been. Men generally don’t like this change.

Obviously not true for all women and all relationships. And menopause does cause many physical and emotional problems.

My personal experience - I fundamentally changed in what I was willing to put up with in a relationship, the other stuff got better as I got past the menopause. Divorced and happier single.

Yes, I recently saw a meme with a Margaret Atwood quote:

Menopause - the pause women take to reconsider men

Because I love him? I want him to love me. I don’t know what has changed to get this response from him? If I spoke to my friends they would think im
mad to leave him as the majority of the time things are fine? Is the relationship retrievable? Obviously not if only one of us wants it.

Was the change relatively sudden?

If so, he might be cheating. Cheaters often become horrible to their spouse because they're trying to excuse their own shitty actions.

I don't think the relationship is salvagable. Once you start acting that way towards your spouse it's over. Respect is huge in a relationship, and he has none for you. I honestly don't think you will miss him. It sounds like you can barely breathe because that would annoy him, that's no way to live.

This all day long!

You’re not being ‘mad’ or unreasonable, but it’s possible you’ve stopped absorbing quite so much responsibility for his happiness at the expense of your own, which never goes over well.

It’s heartbreaking that you still love him and want to make a go of things, but it really sounds like he doesn’t even like you very much, let alone love you (sorry, I know that’s harsh). In your shoes I would have a very serious conversation about how you’re feeling - how his irritability and sheer contempt is wearing you down and how alone and unloved you’re feeling in the marriage. His response will tell you whether there’s still anything worth saving.

And if there isn’t, well then there’s still a life for you out there. One which can be happy and positive and doesn’t include accommodating someone who tramples over your wishes and feeling as though they’re of no consequence.

You can't 'make' anyone love you.

Your friends do not live with him and so they do not now what he’s really like. You do and you would be far better off on your own. And are you actually confusing love with codependency?

He grunts at you.
He slams doors.
He deliberately wakes you up with noise (from tv).
He calls you names/crazy.

And yet you think it's something you've done 🙄 Look up emotional abuse and start ticking off the long list and then get out whilst you still have a shred of self esteem before he takes that from you too. It's not you OP, it's him. And you cannot fix him or your relationship as he doesn't want to change, he just wants you to shut up.

How can you love a man who treats you like this? You don't love yourself. Find your self respect.

OP why do you love a man who doesn't show respect, or love you? Why do you want so little for yourself, better still at what level of awful do you need the relationship to become for you to say, naw I am out.

Because you can hope all you like, reminisce over the good times you had, and that perhaps those times may roll in ones again? Is that it? Because you do deserve respect, and that aint it, seriously when a man says "take your tables, its time to leave

No. He wants you to put up with anything without ever mentioning it and is training you to do that by exploding if you do. That's no way to live and it's not down to the menopause

I was in a relationship with a man once who was really lovely, on paper.
but for some reason a couple of innocent things started to annoy me, the way he trampled on the back of his slippers (complete non issue in reality) the a little bit off hair that always poked up in the morning and the sound of him clearing his throat, looking at his things around the house just suddenly looked out of place, anything he said became an annoying noise that disturbed me and when he tried to help I felt like he was just in the way until the one thing after another annoyed me until the thought of him gave me the ick but he’d never changed or done anything wrong I just felt different and it was too late I started to really detest him and everything he did and I can’t to this day pin point when or what changed but there was definitely nobody else and he was one of the nicest blokes I’ve ever met and treated me so well. The love just went and was replaced by dislike.
Sorry op but I wouldn’t want you to him in this as he was heartbroken but even though I felt sorry for him I could never have fallen back in love with him no matter how hard he tried to make me love him.

This - but also some misogynistic men use menopause to make such derogatory comments and most I find are related to the mental state of the woman. I went through early menopause. I know what it’s like. For me it was like my shitometer exploded. I no longer put up with the crap treatment that I’d endured and forgiven for years. That can only be a good thing - but it means that partners who have managed to bully and manipulate for many years get a bit of a shock when called out on behaviour. Or even when just asked to be reasonable.

It is not you OP - it’s him. You’ve woken up and now see what he’s really like.

Sounds like "men - o pause"... meaning HIS hormones not yours