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Relationships

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How much do you know about your partners past?

5 replies

theprincessthepea · 04/01/2026 23:18

I’m curious about this really.

An issue came up in my relationship and it has meant that we have had to do some tasks where we have gone into our past. My previous relationship was with someone I knew from school. But when dating later in life (past late 20s) - what does a background check look like?

A few years ago, a friend of mine told me that she revealed a lot of her past to her partner before they got engaged, she was very promiscuous, and she was worried he would hear about it from others, and said she felt that she needed to be honest about that.

Personally I don’t have (m)any skeletons in my closet and I’m very open. I was very forward about my past to my partner, but he wasn’t as honest - so I wondered how much of the past people generally know about their partner and what that conversation looked like.

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/01/2026 23:23

In what sense? I know my about my husband’s life before he met me - schools, uni, work, friends and the names of major girlfriends. I know funny anecdotes and childhood dreams. I know the first album he owned. I know about the time he broke his leg being an idiot on a snowboard.

However, this is MN. So if by ‘past’, you just mean something like ‘how many people he’s slept with’ then nope. No idea. None of my business.

theprincessthepea · 05/01/2026 03:13

It could be anything really. Medical. Mental health. Toxic exes - but things that might still play a part in shaping who you are or your value systems.

sorry the example I used nods towards the body count question, but I didn’t mean that at all.

We recently had conversations about mental health, thought patterns that have crept back in,

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 05/01/2026 03:20

When you say he’s not been honest has he actually lied? Or just not said much.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 05/01/2026 12:19

Me and DP have been together 20 odd years and we're still finding out things about each other. I mentioned going on holiday with an ex a few weeks ago and it turns out I'd never mentioned her before. I also only found out last year that DP was massively bullied for a couple of years of school.

It's not that either of us have lied or are purposely concealing anything, it's just stuff that's never come up before.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 05/01/2026 12:27

I'm in my mid fifties and I've known my husband very well since I was 14 and he was 16.

So I know loads about him and his family.

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