How do I leave him????

[BeElatedPeachLion]

Early 40s burnt out women..2 young kids, both attached to me not him. Bipolar partner who just makes life unbearable 💔..9 years too late but I need to leave..but how? No family, no money, not married, I work full time and also in final year of a 4 year course at college that I do part time. I have no collateral, no savings at all..it was my birthday yesterday and once again, he made it about him and called me a dick head in front of our kids after he's been in bed all afternoon doing nothing..the reason, he can't handle our neuro d 8 year old who was having a little moan and cry, partner then lashed out on me and made it 100 times worse. I need guidance, I don't know where to go from here...sorry for the ramble but my head is just everywhere.

I’m sorry he ruined your birthday- hopefully you will be free of him before the next one.

Other people will be more knowledgeable on what your best options are, but what is your housing situation? Is there anyway you can save some money? Are you paying for too much? What is he contributing?

Can you identify what you think the obstacles are to leaving and begin to think of solutions?

We need to know a bit more about your housing situation, really. Are you both renting? Or is it his property?
If renting, then you may be able to afford a (much) smaller place on your half of the money. Yes, kids won't have a room each and you may all need to bunk it but they will have a much calmer home environment which is priceless.
If it is his property, can you save some money but cutting out how much you contribute?
The most important thing while you are figuring all this out is disengage emotionally from the situation. View him as an unpleasant housemate that has no bearing on your life and you don't have to engage with.
You are in the final year of college, which I can only assume better career prospects very soon..

Sorry..so we own our home, joint mortgage..he pays the mortgage i pay all the other household stuff like bills, council tax and child care.
Xxxxx

You will have to sell the house, split the profit and start else where.

a smaller house, not so nice neighbourhood or shared ownership perhaps but you’ll be free and happy.

So sorry you are going through such a difficult time OP, I hope the links below are of help to you. Womens Aid can help you to explore options, you will also need to access good legal advice. Please contact Womens Aid as soon as you can X

https://womensaid.org.uk/

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-occupation

https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit/how-to-claim

When you say 'lashed out' do you mean he hit you?

I could have kind of written your message!
Bit older than you, 2 kids, now ex partner. 15 years together , not married. One ND child one not ND. Emotional abuse and physical abuse towards kids. I am ashamed to say i didnt leave for far to long! No physical family support. Due to ex partners career and kids only working part time ( still 28 hours a week)
We split about 18 months ago.
Properly about 5 months ago.
It is bloody hard. Financially I am screwed. Kids are struggling a lot. Court and everything to sort contact etc.
But i know it is better all around in the long term particularly for the kids.
About to put house on the market in the spring. Only thing i will get is half the equity. But somehow i will manage. I dont know quite how. But i will.
I am burying my head in the sand a lot but am making myself organise life. Also most likely will need to move counties after selling house.
I feel quite paralysed a lot of the time.
BUT
I dont want my kids to grow up thinking this kind of relationship and behaviour is normal.

my ex was bipolar. complete arse hole.
we split (i didjt have the same issues as you as all in my name).
he got medicated.
now hes nice and im gutted when i think how good we could have been had he just done the inevitable and taken the bloody meds when offered instead of scowling and barking at me that he was fine….

fucking arsehole.

Seconded - That’s your solution

Sorry, this has all been written in haste so might not read well. He lashed out verbally and throwing things in the direction of myself and my children.
I'm usually quite a rational person but I feel so beaten down emotionally that I can't see the wood through the trees. Thank you guys, really appreciate the replies xx

if he’s throwing things hes dangerous.

you don’t want to be around him when he’s like that. if anything happens to you hed have custody of the kids and their lives will be shit so you need to be healthy for them. And what if an object hit them? no you need to get away.

women’s aid can offer advice. i’d speak to them if you can. hes a prick. you need to leave him asap.