Unhappy

[Mumabear5]

Me and my partner have been together 15 years we have 3 children 5,3 and 1.

Basically Im just unhappy, I'm not getting what I need from him ,despite numerous conversations about how I need him to be more supportive.

He works full time , I'm at home with the kids everyday ,our youngest is a very early riser and will wake anytime between 4-5 am .

I obviously wake up with her because he has to go to work but recently I mentioned how I would like to stay in bed on a Sunday and he can stay in bed on Saturdays.

He agreed but not without huffs and puff's.

Been doing this for about a month now , first time he's moaning away because she woke up so early , second time he got my youngest to wake me up at 6.30am and called me ungrateful when I moaned about it . Today when I said are you getting up with her ? His response was I thought we both were ? I said ,well I would of liked to stay in bed seeing as I do this everyday but fine.

I'm struggling because I just can't understand why this is such an issue .

It's also so confusing because sometimes he will say , just have a lie in il get up with them but then this is how he responds when I do try ?

This isn't the only issue , he is just unsupportive in general , for example I sometimes need help.putting our little one in the sling,if I have to ask for help it's met with 'why are you incapable ' etc .

I just feel we are both so cold to eachother , I know I am just distancing myself from him because of how he is , he is so hard to talk to and just shuts.down when I try to speak to him about issues ,it's like he doesn't care.

We have a mortgage together, I only make a small contribution and I feel he holds this against me sometimes.

Im just feeling abit stuck and unhappy this is how it is now.

My DH was like this, he worked and I didn’t, so I had to get up every single morning. It’s not acceptable.
It’s easy to say LTB, but you’re having it bad now with 3 little ones. Fast forward 10 years and you won’t be able to get them out of bed.
Sounds like you need counselling, to get your voice heard.
And consider going back to work so that you have financial independence for if it does end.

Sounds like he’s actively punishing you if he said you both had to get up with your youngest - why would you both need to be there?

I’m afraid my kids dad was like this - family life just felt too hard for him, he didn’t enjoy it, he was there but he wasn’t actually there, he was counting down the minutes until they went to bed and constantly trying to be away from them - shower, coffee, sudden need to nip to the shop etc. We are no longer together.

I would say just try and make sure you BOTH have some free time. Like suggest he has a few hours carved out every week/weekend totally child free to do as he pleases and the same for you (make sure you enforce this bit!). This sounds like total burn out on both of your parts and when you’re struggling, you find it harder to allow your partner to have any slack because you’re not coping well yourself and making it harder feels unconscionable and you feel more resentful of one another.

I personally would go to bed earlier so that i can handle a 4am wake and then when I'm not so tired I woule devise something to deal with her wakes maybe she likes early mornings because it's alone time with you without the siblings so id do something alone with her everyday so she lets go of waking early or maybe her bedtime is too early for her or that the nap needs to go.

Then I would look at the relationship but priority is sleep.