Intrusion to family life

[loveissogood]

I’m facing a very serious issue.

When my spouse and I first arrived overseas, we stayed with a family for a few months until we were able to find our footing. After we moved out, we have maintained a distance from the family that hosted us.

However, the man in that family has been telling all our mutual friends that my spouse and I are divorced, claiming that this is the reason I keep a low profile. He has even approached our children, aged 10 and 8, asking them, whenever he sees them, when they last saw me. This has been deeply traumatic for them.
In addition, he has been spreading stories that my spouse has been unfaithful, going so far as to claim that I once told him she is promiscuous. I deny ever having any such conversation with him. Never !!!

I have remained mostly out of sight because I work in another town. Now, I am unsure of the best course of action against this man. I have considered confronting him one-on-one or reporting him to our country's community association, where he serves as chairman.

Unfortunately, the story about my spouse’s alleged infidelity has already spread widely, and I do not see any reason to discuss this privately.

This has really traumatized my wife, as she finds it difficult to coming out and freely moving because the news has been spreading behind us

A “few months” is quite a long time to live with someone, for them then to turn against you. I’d make a point of going out with your wife, so she doesn’t need to be afraid and in order to scotch the rumours that you’re divorced. I might also write to this man and ask him politely to stay away from your children, because you are not divorced and the DC find it upsetting that you should think their parents are separated. I cannot begin to understand the behaviour of your former host/landlord - did you and your family upset him in some way, or part on bad terms? Is he offended that you are now maintaining your distance? Does he fancy his chances with your DW? There has to be a reason for this bizarre behaviour.

What country is this? It doesn't sound like it's the UK.

It's actually in the UK

So you are saying 'overseas' meaning UK?

I just noticed that he was never happy that we made it to the UK, all through our stay he kept insinuating that I had a ghood job back home, why come to the UK the climax was that even if start working in the UK, that I will not earn more than him. I maintained my distance from hi because when we stayed with him, I discovered he kept gossiping about other people, This is something I can not stand at all.
Other than that, there was never any confrontation.

Oh tell people to mind their own business and as for this man log everything with the police.

Well, when we travel abroad from my country, we colloquially say he is gone overseas. It is just a geographical thing

Are you Ukrainian?
Sorry he is being so odd. I agree the best thing is not to speak to this man (he is either deluded or making up intentional lies - either way a conversation won’t change that). Instead just make an effort to go out and about with your wife so that people can see it’s a load of rubbish. If someone brings it up say - yes it’s all very odd. We can’t imagine what he is thinking. Anyway- as you can see we are very much still together! Smiles and move on.

I still don't understand. Can't you just say what country you're from and /or where you're living?

I have said we live now in the UK. I am from sub-Saharan Africa (let's keep it at that, please). I just need to be a little private; my wife is really traumatized, and so am I.

Thank you so much
, but the part that he said I complained of the infedility to him.lt is very ridiculous. even if something like that ever happens, I can not even tell any third party for that matter

I would keep an eye on your kids and wife for now and collect them promptly after school etc. If it's is mostly spreading rumours he's doing, I wonder would ignoring it work. He could get bored and lose interest after awhile. Try not to react too much to it if you can at all and stay busy. You could try the 'grey rock' method if you do come into contact with him, giving very bland boring answers and he might give up eventually. Sorry you're dealing with this

If the harassment continues after that and disrupts your lives, or if you think there might be an anti immigration element to it, you could then go to the guards for advice

@loveissogood It's unfortunate that your wife has been targeted by, I presume, other nationals from your country. Could you perhaps ask for advice from people in your country, because in the UK it's not really very normal for women to be victimised as you describe.

“Going overseas” is what my South African friends call going to the UK. If you don’t have African friends it probably sounds vague but it isn’t.

You could speak with a solicitor and get them to send him a letter, basically telling him to cease & desist.

Can you stay away from your community a bit over here and just live with your wife and children. It sounds like this man has power in your community here and can influence people agsinst you. So can you get away from them all. If you have a job here and everything is legal you dont need the help of him or your community . Maybe you can move to another part of the country.