Needing some advice for where we are going wrong and what to do please.
For context, my husband and I have been married for 10 years, have 2 kids - a toddler and an 8 month old. I’m on mat leave at the moment.
Since having our second child we argue all the time. Mostly that I’m not pulling my weight with household chores. So here’s the current divide we have fallen into since baby 2:
My husband loves a clean and tidy house as his first priority, so he does almost all of the laundry, evening clear up, hoovering and cooking on weekends. He also helps with bathtime, putting out toddler to bed and taking her out for 1 on 1 time on Saturdays.
When he’s at work I do everything that comes with childcare, try to aim for one load of laundry, cook all meals, and do the dishwasher.He will always do the non dishwasher items and clear up because he likes to go to the gym after work so I tend to leave out the food/pots and pans and he can self serve.
I exclusively breastfeed, so since day one of our baby being born, I have and still do every night on my own in a separate bedroom so as not to disturb. However, our toddler is not a great sleeper so he co sleeps with her (I used to be the one to do this with her before baby arrived).
We have zero help outside of our home. For free time in the evenings, my husband will prioritise the gym and cleaning. I have accepted that I am no longer able to go to the gym. But in my free time I would like to have some general conversations with my husband while I rest before a night of heavily broken sleep. I’m usually met with a bad mood and saying I can help with the cleaning if I’m free.
At weekends my husband will take our toddler out places so I can do a contact nap with our baby who doesn’t nap unless in the car or on me at the moment. However if I’ve not done housework or have food on the table when he’s home with our toddler then I hear about it all day.
i think we’re both unhappy but don’t know how to change and fix it? There are times when I will go off to try and do the washing and he’s shouting to ask where I’ve gone (because I’ve left him with the kids) or I say I’m going to clean the bathrooms to which he says no, he will do that and he’d rather I look after the kids. So I feel like I can never win!
Help, before I feel like walking away would be easier and happier.