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Original poster

35m needing advice please!

3 replies

JLR1112 · 03/01/2026 13:03

Hi all
Need some advice if possible. First time poster so go easy please :)
I’m 35, have a 10 year old daughter and a 6 week old daughter. Eldest is from a previous relationship. See eldest for the weekend once a fortnight.
Currently in the middle of a crisis with my partner after arguing persistently for the last couple of days.
All started a couple of nights ago when I was putting my 10yo to bed. She asked if we could have a night of cuddles like we used to. I was conscious that when newborn was born, she openly admitted she was nervous and that she’d only ever had me to herself. She’s been great with sister since she’s been born and if I’m honest, I missed the cuddle nights too!
I said it shouldn’t be a problem the following night. I asked my partner if this was okay, hesitantly and nervously, and she said it would be fine, no problem whatsoever. Until an hour later she changed her mind. I told her that I’d still wake up and help make newborns bottles and help out. She told me she didn’t understand why my 10yo wanted cuddles.
Ive had an underlying feeling that my partner isn’t the biggest fan of my eldest daughter. She doesn’t ask about her much.
Only the other day she asked me to take a photo of herself and her “girls” (dog and newborn) and left my eldest daughter out, sitting in the corner of the sofa behind. This hurt me a little and I openly mentioned this in the same conversation.
We’ve been arguing for the past few days, but this isn’t new to us at the moment but this time it feels different. I went to pick my new or up yesterday and she told me to stay away from her and that she was her girl.
Post the latest argument I apologised for anything untoward I’ve said, but I wanted to make amends. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her and she said she accepted my apology, but her behaviour since doesn’t show she does.
I’ve been shouted at because I put her favourite washed towel out in the bathroom.
Shouted at because her wash cloth which she left on the side of the bath got wet.
Shouted at this morning because I didn’t ask if she wanted a bath last night, but I sorted myself and my daughter out.
She shouted at me because I hung some of her clothes up.
I openly struggle with my MH at times. Last week in an argument, where I can feel insecure at times, she openly made fun of my MH and mocked and quote mimicked me when I was at my lowest.
I’m not perfect, far from it and I know I can be a little needy and need reassurance at times. I openly have an insecure attachment style and know sometimes I can be difficult to be with but I feel at a loss.
I’m not sure what to do. I love both my daughters equally, and will always be their dads no matter what but I don’t know how far I can go on, literally.

Please, advice?

OP posts:
WrylyAmused · 03/01/2026 13:30

With a 6 week old, her hormones are still all over the place, and she might have post natal anxiety or depression. And also as a first time mum, it may be affecting her differently to what she might have thought. She'll certainly be battling lack of sleep along with physical recovery and the fact that her whole life has changed now there's a new baby in it.

She doesn't sound like she's being nice to you at the moment, but it's not a time to be making decisions, due to all the above factors.

Protect your mental health, seek support, try not to take her behaviours personally - (they are about her, not you) - continue being the best father you can to both your girls, and try to find a non stressful time, when she's as rested as possible, to speak to your partner in a loving, supportive, collaborative way and try to see how she's feeling in herself. If what she tells you suggests that anxiety or depression are possible, encourage her to seek support as well.

You don't need to accept being treated badly, especially if it continues in the long term, but I do think you should consider the situation in the wider context and have as much compassion as possible for what's going on, and have patience with it, and the upheavals, changes and adjustments a new baby brings.

Original poster
JLR1112 · 03/01/2026 13:37

WrylyAmused · 03/01/2026 13:30

With a 6 week old, her hormones are still all over the place, and she might have post natal anxiety or depression. And also as a first time mum, it may be affecting her differently to what she might have thought. She'll certainly be battling lack of sleep along with physical recovery and the fact that her whole life has changed now there's a new baby in it.

She doesn't sound like she's being nice to you at the moment, but it's not a time to be making decisions, due to all the above factors.

Protect your mental health, seek support, try not to take her behaviours personally - (they are about her, not you) - continue being the best father you can to both your girls, and try to find a non stressful time, when she's as rested as possible, to speak to your partner in a loving, supportive, collaborative way and try to see how she's feeling in herself. If what she tells you suggests that anxiety or depression are possible, encourage her to seek support as well.

You don't need to accept being treated badly, especially if it continues in the long term, but I do think you should consider the situation in the wider context and have as much compassion as possible for what's going on, and have patience with it, and the upheavals, changes and adjustments a new baby brings.

This is very helpful, thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
JLR1112 · 03/01/2026 13:55

Bump

OP posts:
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