I’m feeling really stuck and would appreciate some outside perspective.
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 1, and we have a 2 year old. Before buying a house together about 5 years ago, things were good. We enjoyed each other, went away, and were affectionate. Since having our son, everything has changed and I feel like I’ve resented him ever since.
We are complete opposites. I’m organised and house proud, he’s messy, unorganised and lazy. He would never clean or tidy unless asked, and I end up cleaning up after him constantly. It feels like I have another child rather than a partner. He works shifts, and on his days off he wants to sit around in pyjamas watching TV or on his phone. I take our son out and do things with him while my husband often stays at home because he can’t be bothered.
We haven’t shared a bedroom for 2 years due to his snoring and we haven’t had sex for 11 months. We don’t touch, just peck on the lips, and I don’t feel attracted to him anymore. I don’t even think I want sex, I just want to feel close and connected, and we’re not. We barely talk unless it’s about our son or general chat. All we do of an evening is sit on our phones not saying a word to each other.
We tried therapy once but the therapist was awful and it really put me off. We go through cycles of being ok, then a big argument, and divorce comes back into my head. I feel like a married single mum. I work full time, I’m exhausted, feel so unappreciated, and he never makes me feel loved or desired.
Financially I’d be fine on my own, but the thought of breaking up my son’s family, selling our home and sharing my child keeps me stuck. I was having doubts even before the wedding but went ahead anyway for a few reasons, mainly that I felt it was too late to change my mind.
I feel miserable and resentful most of the time and keep wondering whether this is fixable or whether I’m just delaying the inevitable. Has anyone been here, and what did you do?