Has anyone decided to ‘de-centre’ relationships and felt better because of it?

[Ecotexo]

I’m early 30s and am fed up dating, being on dating apps, thinking about meeting someone else.
Ive read all about de centering relationships and didn’t give it much thought in those specific terms but I think I could find a lot of peace doing it.
would love to hear if anyone else has, especially around my age

36 here and I don't know if decentering is the word as I only ever date in small doses these days. I think I probably decenterd men around the age of 24 after being through various abuses.

Life is so much less stress without men in any way shape or form I've found.

Lately though I do find myself lamenting that there hasn't been much.... tenderness...in my life.
But looking back, I don't think I've ever found that with a guy. It just, doesn't seem to be something they bring. For me anyway.

I have no interest in having kids so don't have any pressure. As much as I'd love to find one great love...I recognise that in general my life has always been better when single. And I find I generally just don't feel much for guys these days. I wouldn't get into a relationship unless he was perfect for me. Kind and warm and tender and genuine. And there isn't much of that around.

Also, I hate dating xD

Following with interest..

Oh god yes. Men are shit. I'm so much happier when I'm single.

Late 30s....i've never heard that term, but I think I decided to do that, I am post divorce but some of the crap that MN posters experience from men OLD (ghosting, bread crumbing, down right lying etc) has made me realise that I kinda want the next phase of my life for me?, I spent a chunk of my 30s in a marriage where I was alone anyway but washing his socks etc and picking up his pants only to have my heart completely shattered, that I just don't think making men and dating the centre of my life like I did in my 20s is worth my time?

I am not sure there are plenty more fish in the sea...I think there's mainly jellyfish, a few sharks, and the odd shopping trolley.

(Happy new year 🤣)

Decentered men for most of my life and have been long term single. I’ve been dating intermittently for the past few years as I thought would be nice to meet someone and grow old together (I’m late 30s) .

I get exhausted each time I am dating again , they have been such a let down - empty promises and disappointment and often far too focused on sex . Its so stressful and I often think I am glad I didn’t spend my whole adult life prioritising this.

One guy I was talking to recently started off well but seems to be “too busy” now but claiming he’s still interested. He has one more chance before I get rid and maybe give up dating.

I agree with the poster who said she hasn’t seen much tenderness from men, that’s generally been my experience too. For example, I was really ill on a day when I was supposed to go for another date with a man I’d met before and had been talking to loads.
When the man heard I felt very ill and that an ambulance wouldn’t take me he said I should get a taxi. I was so shocked.

He had been prepared to take me out to the beach earlier in his car (probably because he saw it as a step closer to sex) but when it came to supporting me in getting medical help he shut down.

I didn’t even ask him for a ride but it would’ve been nice for him to offer. I’m a remote worker btw and was in his country where I don’t speak the language fluently.

He was aware I had no phone data as my roaming wasn’t working for some reason so getting a taxi while unwell and no data was risky.

I ended up calling the emergency line again and insisting on an ambulance which I eventually got and then spent a week in hospital but he didn’t know any of that and never will.

He texted me since a few times and I completely ignored him. I have no intention of ever spelling out what he did wrong. He will have to work out that himself.

I am not the type to hang onto men who aren’t giving me what I need and I regularly am aghast at what so many women online put up with from useless selfish men.

So yeah I do feel better and happier and more at peace when I decentre men.

😄 @Emergencysandwich- I think you might be right about the contents of the ocean.

Married over 30 years. Contentment arrived when I stopped centering him and being disappointed he didn’t prioritise me. Now I please myself and life works much better.