Struggling in relationship

[singlemum2025]

My partner just doesn’t seem to have any motivation at the moment and is hard to plan anything with. It’s like he’s lost all his get up and go which is really putting me off him. I can’t just sit round doing nothing.

At new year my friends (who he knows) hosted a get together at their house, he didn’t want to go because of one friend who he doesn’t get on with and he thought it would be awkward. For clarity he messaged another women at the start of our relationship years ago, friend was annoyed, we’ve now all moved on, she won’t ever like him but will be in the same room as him however he can’t seem to get over this. He decided to stay at home but told me happy to go so I did go and stayed for the duration and had a good night. For one I found it embarrassing going on my own having to explain why he didn’t come, two makes me feel like we’re not a team and three makes me feel like there will always be this separate friends and him issue.

I feel very close to asking him to leave, I don’t now why I’m posting as I know that’s the answer but it’s frustrating why he has changed so much and why he’s turned into a miserable shell of himself.

Imagine spending another 30, 40, whatever years with him.

How does this thought, and its implications, make you feel?

I’m guessing you have your answer…

I know the answer, we did break up at the start of last year however I struggled financially to live alone and we ultimately ended up back together he did try for a bit however things have slipped back and it’s making me miserable. I’ve taken on so much extra work to get myself in a position where I can at least cover the bills (before I was struggling to buy groceries etc) the main pull is the kids, my youngest sees him basically as dad and I feel bad putting her through this. I’ve done it with the older ones and their dad and know it’s not easy. I will also be juggling working full time with the kids and ferrying them round etc which I am struggling with with his help so really my only reason for staying at the moment is mainly for the kids and giving them a more stable life.

Staying for the sake of the kids is a statement that often does not stand up to scrutiny. You are staying for your own reasons because it is somehow "easier", not because of them. It also shows them that your relationship was built on a lie. They will also not get a stable life as long as this man is present in their lives at all.

He messaged another woman at the start of your relationship and your friend was rightly annoyed by this but you continued to be in a relationship with him all the same. He knew he had you then because he thought you'd put up with any old shit from him. Your boundaries here are way too low and that is an understatement.

He has not changed and will not change for you or anyone else. Cut him loose before he drags you and your kids further down with him. This is not the male role model your youngest DD in particular should be seeing; you are showing her that currently at least this treatment is still acceptable to you. Stop teaching them such poor examples about relationships and be on your own.

I get it - staying with him is easier today, tomorrow, next week, next month.

However, if you think ahead….. next year, the year after, the next 10 years….. isn’t the investment, the financial hardship and everything else that you’d have to put up with to free yourself, worth it?