Leaving the family home

[Bluebellsnowdrop]

I am thinking about leaving, due to emotional domestic abuse. Advice has been to leave without telling the husband. Any advice on what to say to the (teenage) kids? I can't tell them in advance, so I will have to wait till they get home from school/college and tell them to quickly pack a bag, we're leaving. This will be a bit of a shock to them. Any advice on what to say? Also, they will come with me for first couple of nights, but at what point do they go back to see their Dad?

Are you sure they will want to leave their home and come with you?

How old are the kids?

How old are they - you say teens. They may chose to stay

I assumed being their mum, and asking them to do something they would do it. I think that they have a better relationship with me than they do with their Dad. I'm not going to actually know how they will react until it happens. But I assume they are going to live part of their time with me, and part with their Dad. The place I'm going to is not that far away. I dont know why they would refuse. Maybe I'm being naive?

The kids are 15 and 17.

All you can do is your best and see how things go.

My motto with an aggressive ex has been hope for the best and plan for the worst. But I think you need to put your safety first for the time being.

It will be hard for the kids, but they are old enough to decide for themselves, and/or offer support. Only you know the full situation, so if you are anticipating they will come with you, then that is the most likely.

Best of luck.

Re advice, make a list of what they will likely need to pack, make sure it’s all available.

It’s possible they will be in a bit of shock, and may not be thinking straight and remember everything they need. So prep this as much as you can for them.

I did this but my boys were a bit younger. They were surprisingly totally on-board and off we went. I didn’t sugar coat it but left out the nasty details. To be fair I think they were aware things were not great. Three years on.. we have our new forever home, much more freedom and are very close because of it. Do it, be as honest as you can be and never look back. Best of luck x

I do this. 18 months ago. My DCs are 15,15 and 16. I now don’t really have a relationship with my Dads. My DS is L1ASD so finds it hard even leaving his bedroom. I have a good relationship with him though. I see him once a week.
are your DCs aware of the situation? Do they notice the emotional abuse? Because I can almost guarantee that your “D”H will use the kids as a tool for further emotional abuse.

I think my daughter will be ok about coming with me. My son is older and he might not see why he needs to come with me. But i feel uneasy him staying home especially that first night if I've gone. But will it really be much different the night after that, and the night after that? They will have to go back there at some time, assuming they want to spend sometime with their Dad.

Is there anyone else out there who has done this, told the kids and had to leave almost immediately?