I feel really bad for even writing this, but I haven't really got anyone to talk to.
I've been with my boyfriend for just over 5 years.
He's a good man, he works hard, it's just I'm really struggling with our relationship.
I'm 40 and he's 48. He lives with his mum, I don't think his mum would be able to cope living on her own. He has one grown up daughter.
I live with my 2 children.
I see him 3 times a week, always involves me going to his on an evening for 3 hours when he's finished work. I see him sometimes on a weekend when his family are over.
We don't go anywhere as a couple, we've been out twice, and that's because I bought tickets to the events.
He's got no desire to go out, he does work hard in the week, and he says his weekends are family time.
Sorry for being really graphic, but we don't even have sex, and never have done really. I think we've had sex 4 times altogether, and last year we didn't even do it once.
This was messing with my head, making me feel so depressed, and thinking I was the problem, that he didnt want sex because im overweight or unattractive. Obviously I asked him a few years ago why, and he gave some excuse, but a few months I asked again, as it was really making me feel like rubbish, and after a big row he finally admitted that its because he doesn't last long. Which to me, isn't a problem, I'd just like the closeness, but now it's 5 years in, he's never seen me fully naked, and even if he did want sex, I wouldn't have the confidence to even do it.
I'm just feeling fed up with the whole relationship. I don't want to go round for 3 hours, just so he can have a blow job. He'll use his hands on me, but it just doesn't get me off. I don't want to go round just to watch whatever he picks.
Its getting to the point where I've been making excuses not to go round, and I hate that I've been doing that 😪 I don't want to go round just so he can have oral.
He doesn't make any effort to come round mine, he does work hard, and struggles with various health complaints, but it annoys me that he's too stubborn to see a doctor.
He could go to the doctors about his pain, and the PE problem, but he just won't.
And the worst thing I'm struggling with, is that I used to fancy him rotten, and I just don't feel like that any more.
I have spoke to him about the issues, but he honestly can't see the problem.
We're just like good friends, with benefits (for him anyway).
In my heart, this isn't going anywhere, it never will.
He is the kindest of men though, I know he'd do anything for me (apart from going to the doctors, obviously). I'd destroy him if I ended it 😪
I'm just not sure what to do, I'm just not happy any more.