I (42) matched with a man (37) on hinge about 7 weeks ago. We both have 4 children. His are older (in their teens and young adults) they live with their mums but he has a great relationship with them. He had them from the age of 18 to 22 so I didn’t want to judge the multiple baby mums as this was over 15 years ago. He seemed genuine (as far as online dating goes) in conversation. On our hinge we both mentioned we are looking for a long term relationship/ life partner and monogamy. In conversation I asked what are you looking for and he answered peace.
we set up our first date 2 days later and went out for dessert, which was pleasant and we got to know each other a little more. At the end of the date he paid and asked if I was happy to exchange numbers and meet again which I agreed to. We had a hug and I text him to thank him when I got home ( he asked if I could).
We would text once a day just to see how things were going and set up a second date 4 days later. This time we went to a beautiful French cafe in central London. I order and also proceeded to pour myself a bottle of the water at the table. Conversation went well and he paid at the end though made a comment ‘I knew they were going to charge us for the water’ we walked around for a bit and held hands. At the end he walked me to the station were we shared a brief kiss and that was that.
From the beginning he mentioned his love language was quality time and that texting wasn’t his thing. again daily check ins with a sporadic phone call here and there until our third date a week later where we went on a Xmas lights tour, had some mulled wine and visited the harry potter show. It was lovely and we made out though (and it was beautiful)
he did make a a comment that he couldn’t believe a small cup of mulled wine was £7.50.
all was well and I text to say had a great time and thinking of you. He replied with a teary eyed emoji. After that date I didn’t hear from him the next day. This is 3 weeks on and we had build a momentum of texting around the same time each day so I sent a text saying you ok? And he didn’t reply. I left it and called him the following day. He said he had mentioned he wouldn’t have access to his WhatsApp so that was that. From then on his texting habit moved to every other day
Since he had initiated the first 3 dates - I told him I was going to a farmers market near him and asked if he would like to join to which he accepted.
he had mentioned that his house was going through renovations and that’s why he wasn’t comfortable us hanging out there. My children are slightly younger and I had no intention of bringing him to mine even when they were with their dad. Especially since I was just learning about the guy. The next date we went to a farmers market which I thoroughly enjoyed. He mention the renovations again and said he would invite me to see them but he didn’t think I would be interested. I am aware some men lie about these things so I said actually I do want to see. Thankfully it wasn’t a lie and he showed me all the renovations and his plans and it was a good experience. We again got hot and heavy but I told him I wasn’t ready to take it there. He was very respectful.
I noticed we weren’t really delving into our relationship expectations. I wasn’t trying to rush things but just to ensure that we are both aligned in our goals and expectations. Again when I brought it up he said peace and stability. I asked what that meant to him and he said it’s self explanatory. We met up again and went for a day out which again was an amazing experience and I managed to do some Xmas shopping for my kids. He has done well for himself but I noticed he is very money centred, comments a lot about the price of things, tax, savings..ie I can’t believe this was a pound etc…
I noticed though that his communication was dwindling outside of in person and I was doing most of the initiating. I brought it up a couple of times and he reminded me that texting isn’t his thing but at this point it had gotten to every two days. Every time I would message or call he would respond straight away but he would rarely be the one to start the conversation. A couple of weeks ago I tried not initiating for 3 days and it’s only when I made contact that we reconnected. We met up again went for a movie and then back to his where we finally did the deed. It was great, I stayed over and went back Xmas eve mornjng. We said we would see each other before the new year.
again communication had dwindled to one/two sentence conversations and phone calls few and far in between. This time I decided to not initiate at all. He text to wish me a merry Xmas and that was it. I didn’t hear from him for 3 days until he commented on one of my posts. This time I decided to call him and have Discussion so on Monday I sent him a message to call me when he is free as I know he is at work. He called and I said I want to clarify what is it you are looking for. He said we’re going around in circles and I should just google peace and stability. I mentioned the change in his calls and texts and he also mentioned he had seen a shift in my communication. I explained it’s because I don’t want to be carrying a relationship when the effort is not mutual.
unfortunately at that point his colleagues walked in so the conversation was interrupted.
i sent a message saying we weren’t able to complete the conversation but while I am not trying to rush things, I am to get to know someone with the goal of building a relationship long term. I mentioned that I want to see if we are aligned and if not then we can respectfully keep it moving.
i sent that message on Monday afternoon and he did not reply at all. Fast forward Tuesday 24 hours later still no response. There is no way he hadn’t seen the message. Later in the evening I noticed he had updated his status (proof that he had been online) and was choosing not to respond to me.
so I deleted his number. I didn’t block him so if he wanted to he could still reach out. My question is do you think I acted in haste? And what would you do?