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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How would you react to ..

22 replies

wondering133 · 31/12/2025 10:06

My partner got stressed about us getting ready to go to the zoo this morning with our toddler... he's not feeling well and I offered a few times for him to go back to bed.. and he refused but continued to be huffy at me (when I went to the toilet and got snacks for our toddler.. eventually after a while of him hurrying me and being huffy I said 'can you just chill out?!' He said 'no it's like dealing with another child'.. would that bother you? I know I'm quite sensitive so should probably just get over it..

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/12/2025 10:23

No you are not sensitive (does he call you that?) nor should you get over it so readily. This is not nice behaviour from such a man who is supposed to be your partner here. You’ve already offered to take your toddler to the park as your man is unwell and it’s still not good enough for this prince. I’d be wondering about your long term future with this man child because you will be in for more of the same. He rather than you is like dealing with another child. You already had one child, you do not need a man child in the shape of him either.

Imgoingtobefree · 31/12/2025 10:32

It isn’t very nice, but you’ve said he is ill, so only you know if this is out of character.

if it is, then let it go.

ThirdStorm · 31/12/2025 10:36

Not nice. I can slightly understand the hurrying if you were running much later than the time you planned to leave, but still no reason to be rude. You are not another child. In fact I’d refuse to go as that would ruin it for me.

Endofyear · 31/12/2025 10:46

Well it's not a very nice thing to say, you obviously don't want to be told you're behaving like a child!

Was he ready to leave and waiting while you faffed about? My DH takes ages to get ready and leave the house, it's a bit of a running joke in our family! I'm aware that I'm quite an impatient person and I often have to bite back the urge to say 'Come on, hurry up'! While he's wandering about trying to find his hat/keys/baccy/water bottle etc so I can sort of understand your husband getting a bit impatient. No need for his comment though, that was a bit mean.

Original poster

wondering133 · 31/12/2025 10:47

Thankyou @AttilaTheMeerkatand @Imgoingtobefree yeah it's not such a big deal , it's not nice to hear but I know he's not feeling well.. we had a bit of a quibble and then he insisted they go to the zoo without me and left.. ha I know I'm not the only one arguing with their spouse at the end of the holidays 🤣

OP posts:

SilverPink · 31/12/2025 11:00

They went to the zoo without you? Is this something you’re happy with, ie now you can have a day at home to yourself, or was it a planned family trip and you wanted to go? I hope it’s not the latter.

Original poster

wondering133 · 31/12/2025 11:07

@SilverPinkWe said this morning that we were going as a family then after our quibble he refused to let me come even though I said I still wanted to.. the zoos not that far from us so not a massive deal.. went to pick up my glasses from scrivens instead!

OP posts:

TheGirlattheBack · 31/12/2025 11:15

Wow. He was pissy and then went without you, you should be furious, that’s really not normal behaviour.

Does he behave like this regularly?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/12/2025 11:38

That is awful behaviour from him and one he could chuck at you going forward ie I went to the zoo with our toddler when I was ill you horrible person!. Use the time he is out wisely and have a good long think about your relationship. How he’s behaved towards you is not normal behaviour at all.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/12/2025 11:39

He had no right either to refuse you going to the zoo with them. He’s not your father and he’s supposed to be your supportive partner. He is being anything but at this time.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/12/2025 11:40

you are your own person with agency. Never forget that.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 31/12/2025 11:43

wondering133 · 31/12/2025 11:07

No op this is a massive deal. This is appalling. He picked a row and prevented you from going on a family day out.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 31/12/2025 11:48

@wondering133 I have just read your other thread. This is an abusive man. Id suggest writing down as accurately as you can what was happening that started him off this morning so you can look back on it for clarity, but I worry he will find it.

What else is happening in your life? Friends? Family? Hobbies? Work? How often do you see your friends and family? How often do you go out without the children?

Makemeanonymous · 31/12/2025 12:08

I found your description of his behaviour in deliberately leaving you out of the family outing quite distressing in it's deliberate meanness OP. But after @CarrierbagsAndPJs
mentioned your other thread I had a look at that and oh my goodness what an abusive man your H is. As pp said on that thread this is no way to live, and no way for your children to live.

SilverPink · 31/12/2025 16:53

wondering133 · 31/12/2025 11:07

Refused to let you come? Nah, fuck that. He doesn’t get to decide where you go.

Original poster

wondering133 · 31/12/2025 18:26

Thankyou for your replies @AttilaTheMeerkat @CarrierbagsAndPJs @Makemeanonymous and @SilverPink the thing is.... when he's not like this we are very happy and he is the most amazing partner so I feel like you can't have your cake and eat it.. this week he's been helping with everything- letting me rest by helping with kids - helping with dinner , fun and happy, affectionate and loving... until today (but has been the last week) we have been very happy and he's been great.. when it turns it is bad .. I try to stay measured... and also wonder if I'm too sensitive? And maybe if I wasn't and didn't take things he sais does so seriously we would be much better off..

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/12/2025 18:50

No you are not being too sensitive!.

What he is showing you is the nice part of the nice/nasty cycle of abuse which is a continuous one. You are in an abusive relationship with him
and he will further try to diminish you or punish you. He cares not a jot for you or these children also caught up in this.

Contacting Women’s Aid would be of great benefit to you when he is out of the house.

TomatoSandwiches · 31/12/2025 18:59

That's why people stay too long and put up with abusive people.... they're great 75% of the time, he is a bully, he can't ban you from going to the zoo op, he isn't an authority over you but he seems to think that.

Ilovelurchers · 31/12/2025 19:10

His comment wouldn't bother me that much, but refusing to let you come to the zoo? That's vile. Who the fuck does he think he is? And does he own the fucking zoo? And/or your toddler?

Sorry that's made me furious. The bullying cunt.

PositiveCat · 31/12/2025 19:23

Helping? Are they just your kids, or is he actually parenting because they’re also his kids?

My ex used to do this. He’d get himself ready, and then huff and puff while I got myself ready, our child ready, the bag of things ready… and if I forgot the camera or something, that would be my fault, too.

There were other things too which I hesitated to name as abusive at the time (it’s a big, weighty label and if he’s not hitting you, it is easy to think it isn’t abuse). Thing is, it goes from 90% good and 10% bad to 90% bad, 10% good pretty fast. I hope you do get out. He sounds very unpleasant and I can imagine that more and more, your life will be spent on eggshells, waiting for the next thing you’ll have done wrong.

RanchRat · 31/12/2025 20:53

He is a cunt.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 01/01/2026 00:26

he is the most amazing partner
Can you list in what ways he is the most amazing partner?

this week he's been helping with everything- letting me rest by helping with kids - helping with dinner
Why would the other parent in the house be helping you parent? He should be parenting equally himself. Why would the equal adult in the house not be cooking equally and doing equal amounts of housework? He isnt a teenager doing chores.

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