DH Phone

[Susue999]

in the past week DD11 has sent me a screen shot whilst on DH phone of a conversation between him and a friend where he complained about me as he had been on a call to said friend and I had in the background been asking him to finish up the call as we had to go out. DH apologised said I was doing his nut in and then said it’s time to get rid of me. He later said it was banter. Obviously our DD has also seen this conversation and was concerned enough to screenshot and send to me which makes me feel really uncomfortable. Tonight my dress rode up on the sofa and my tights were exposed DD said for a minute she thought I was wearing tight with no tops (hold ups) and I asked where on earth she had seen those and she said on DH’s phone along the top of his instagram account so basically stories of women he obviously follows. Ffs.

An 11 year old shouldn't have these stresses, the banter bit i could easily accept personaly but not if a child saw them how has she got such free reign ?

She shouldn't be going through her dad's messages and screenshotting them, or going through them at all.

Also, I imagine a great many 11 year olds know what stockings are, especially if she's ever been to a clothes shop.

But you say she was snooping her dad's Instagram too?

She needs to keep off his phone.

Sometimes I grumble about my husband to my friends,.I also follow a couple of Hockey players on Instagram who post thirst trap pics. That's private and i would be extremely pissed off if one of my kids took screen shots and sent them to their dad. You should have a good talk to your daughter about invading other people's privacy and a good talk to your husband about his security settings.

Why on earth is your 11 year old child being allowed such unrestricted access to her dad's phone?

Anyone else think this has pervy connotations?

You now know your husband has checked out and is planning his exit. You have an opportunity to make your own plans.

I agree with those that say an 11 yo shouldn’t be allowed the access she has. It tends to happen when I’m not around.

what do you mean by pervy connotations @Alderraymyheartisindanger ?

Late night post with sexual overtones and mention of a youngster in the mix..it happens.
Sincere apologies if I got it wrong.

Why is she on her dad’s instagram account? He needs to put a code on his phone.

Your husband is allowed to grumble to his friends about you, am sure we all do the same.

He needs to put face id on apps so daughter cant be reading his phone.

Thank you all. I think I’ve been guilty of using my DD to check up on him possibly without realising. You are all right his phone is his I guess to do as he likes. I didn’t like the way he said it was time to get rid (of me) to his friend as fight didn’t sound like a joke. As I’m reading this all back I sound quite pathetic and need to get a backbone perhaps!

on further investigation today it looks like he follows a lot of accounts on insta that have Only Fans links on their accounts. Question is does he use these or does he just look at the free content they post on stories. Not really sure how I feel about all of this.

So are you AND your daughter snooping on his phone?
He sounds dodgy but this is all sorts of messed up. Doesn’t the 11 year old have her own phone?

I didn’t look at his phone, just looked at his followed accounts on insta and then looked into them a bit more.

I thought the same tbh.

OP your focus should be on what your child has access to on dad's phone first and foremost if he's a bit of a creep and stop using her to check up on him.

Thank you all. I think I’ve been guilty of using my DD to check up on him possibly without realising.

How do you do this without realising?

You have been engineering your daughter to snoop on her dads mobile to obtain information.
You have also nosied without permission.
This is all kinds of fucked up!

I say this as a separated parent who's daughter went on my mobile (while I was asleep, not knowing she had the PIN) and screenshot lots of private information to her dad....the one that cheated on me.

What the fuck are you teaching your daughter?

Bad this getting your daughter to do your dirty work for you, really bad.

Well i think you are right to be upset about his comment about you to his friend. He sounds as though disrespecting you to his friend is part of their normal conversation.
It's not good that your dd is looking at his phone but I think if he is looking at accounts with links to Only Fans then yes I would be wondering about what content he is viewing. It sounds as though he isn't very invested in you or your marriage.

Aside from what you’ve posted here, how is your relationship?

I might make jokes about my DH like he did but it means nothing.

Relationship not great if I’m honest. I do think we are probably together because of kids/finance’s and that neither of us have the balls to end it.

I’ve probably answered my own questions in writing this post and I guess that’s why I shared! Maybe it just feels hard for me to end and am looking for validation of a reason from others. As I type this I realise how pathetic it all sounds!

You have every right to be upset about the message.

I'm amazed you OH allows your daughter on his phone with his choice of content tbh.

Snooping (however it's done) will likely end up with you finding things you don't want to see/know. But what do you do with this information now you have it? Do you think you've been subconsciously looking for a reason to shake things up?

If it’s got to the point you are using your 11 year old daughter to spy on her father then it’s as bad as it gets. Your use of your 11 year old in this way is beyond awful, did it ever occur to you what impact this could have on your daughter and the relationship she has with her father? Your language in describing your egregious behaviour is dismissive and you clearly either don’t understand or don’t care the impact it will have on your daughter. Your H is pathetic but you are exponentially worse. Shame on you.

Indeed.

Reading more into it ,That's a hell of lot of pressure on an 11 year old .
Your problems are not your daughter's.

My mum piled her marital problems on me when I was 9 ,think infidelity,domestic violence on both of us and believe me it leaves its mark.