I feel so lost in life right now

[TwinklyLemonSeal]

So here I am on mumsnet needing to air this out as I just feel like I'm going out my mind somedays. I have a partner been together 6 years I have a daughter from previous relationship, we had another child together 4 years ago. I was made redundant and them started my own business which did well til.a few months ago and now I've been searching for work with no luck as of yet. So he works Full time.pays the bills etc it's his house as I had my own rented when we met and I gave that up and moved in with him. I was so happy up until the summer. Things have just started to get to me, I crave more alone time away from him, I don't want any physical contact, I just want to go to bed after the kids are in bed and be left alone. I feel like he doesn't understand me anymore. I was also diagnosed with pcos this year as my periods stopped I think that also contributes to how I feel but I just feel like I have nothing in me for a relationship or to maintain one. We have nothing in common anymore. He has his social side at work and his hobbies he doesn't do anything around the home. Diy decorating anything like that is done by me, I just feel like we are so different and separate now. It makes me feel lonely but I don't want his company. I don't enjoy his company. I want to have a nice home do things to the house and he has zero interest. I never understood til now how people can be in relationships but feel so alone. The connection has just gone between us. It isn't just me not making effort either it takes two to make effort and to me it isn't romantic gestures etc it's things like planning days out, making changes and improvements to our home, seeing things that need doing and doing them. And he isn't like that at all. I don't want a solution to this I just need to get it out and hope someone else feels the same as I do. Lost and lonely.

So many relationships end up in a bit of a knot when one looses their job, or there are health issues that get in the way, and for you, that has clearly changed you, and how you feel about things in general between the two of you.
Its ok to want to withdraw for a bit, but dont change your address and take up residence there, dont allow yourself to take that dip where you get sadder and more depressed. As that is what it sounds like to me. Its horrible to be made redundant, and worse when you keep looking for that job, that meaning, that belonging in the relationship where you are equally contributing, sharing the load. And not you feel alien, an outcast, and you want out.

Would you feel this way if you found a new opportunity?
Do you think that your doom now is clouding how you see things?

How are you spending your days? Apart from cleaning up after everyone, how are you treating you?

I think I get it. My partner couldn't care less about keeping the house presentable or planning activities with me. He'll happily take credit for how much work 'we've' done to the house etc. He leads a very low energy life and prioritises, firstly doing his own thing (mostly sleeping in until late), and secondly hobby activities with his mates. I'm not sure it's intentional or malicious. If I turned around and said I wanted to go on a day out to x tomorrow, he'd likely go along with it (but I think he knows I won't). But the lack of initiative on his part to suggest we do something together really grates.

He knows I struggle with depression and has never suggested just going for a nice long walk with the dogs or something. He'll happily watch me wrangle two young dogs out of the door for walks successively, even though he's capable of walking one alongside me and helping out. He'll chew anyone's ears off about how much he loves said dogs and anecdotes of sweet or funny things they do; I mentally raise an eyebrow or two.

Happy to DM if you want someone to to vent to. Hope 2026 is a less lonely year for you