I've had two years from hell and it just keeps getting worse.
-My lovely cat died Jan 24, he had a horrible death and I don't even feel like I've grieved him yet.
-I had a cancer scare Feb to April 24, thankfully it wasn't
-Feb 24 onwards exDH started acting weird -suspected affair
Sep 24 - he admitted it bare minimum - meeting colleague in middle of night
Sep 24 - May 25 - tried to co-exist but he became abusive to cover his tracks. Tried to convince me I was actually paranoid, threatened me with arrest, stopped me from talking, threatened to withdraw financial support.
June 25 - He tried to kill himself and there was a police search party out for him, turned out he had tried to OD on nytol so no real damage.
End of June 25 - Tried to kill himself again, this time put under a section 2. No contact from him, his family would not disclose what was happening. Disappeared from lives of our 2 dc for 3 months with zero communication.
Oct -25 Wants contact with DC - currently allowing supervised visits which means I have to see him, which triggers me every single time. It's horrendous but feels like the lesser of two evils because the thought of him being unsupervised is worse. He has previously gaslighted them in front of me and is generally risky.
Dec 25- He has introduced the OW to his family under the guise of nothing happened while we were together and expects me to move on and accept this
Today's kicker- I've just had a massive falling out with my parents. It's been simmering for a long time, my DM is incredibly difficult to get along with, everything has to be her way, anyone who questions anything is instantly the problem, my DF is completely passive to this and never once stuck up for us as DC. There was some physical abuse as we grew up but mainly incredibly controlling behaviour. When exDH came along when I was 17 I jumped in with both feet in desperation to get out, obvs that has spectacularly backfired 18 years later.
What I really hate is that she tells me what I'm doing and why, it's always the most vicious reason anyone could imagine. For example, I explicitly stated I wasn't doing christmas presents, christmas cards etc for adults. I do not have the money and would rather spend it on the kids, I told them this months ago and they agreed, yes money really is that tight. Tonight they told me I purposefully did not get them a card or present so I could call my DB and laugh about it with him. My DB is already no contact with them, I don't speak to him often and certainly wouldn't set up a scenario like that. DM has told me that I smirk at her ( I absolutely do not), that I use them for childcare (she insisted on doing childcare as she thinks formal childcare settings are abhorrent if family are available). Now they have withdrawn childcare and I return to work on monday. She told me ex's behaviour is my fault, that I gaslight them, that I'm miserable all the time, I'm bitter and manipulative.
My soul is so tired and broken, I don't have the energy or the motivation to be a horrible person. When I'm not focused on a task my mind is consumed by what ex put me through, it replays constantly. I know I'm a good person, I don't go out of my way to upset anyone, it's not in me, yet she views me that way. I put everything that I have into giving my dc the best life I can and now they're literally all I have in the world.