Why Can't Men Handle Rejection?

[MichelleD32]

I was sort of seeing this Italian man from October and as much as I tried to like him and build a relationship, I just wasn't feeling it. Every single time I went to see him, it felt like a chore and a waste of my energy plus he had lodgers, so it didn't do wonders for our love life. He was also quite jealous and asked if he should be jealous when I hung out with male friends. I later discovered he was into gambling and spent quite a bit of time at casinos. He said it was under control but as we know, those things can slowly develop into addictions. He also kept pushing the topic of children so early on and wouldn't allow our relationship to breathe and progress naturally, at a slower pace. All these were red flags that I ignored but were always at the back of my mind. I guess I was just desperate for a man to love me and give me a family, as I am 32 now. Anyway, after much ruminating, I sent him a long text message last night expressing my feelings and desire to end our relationship. I then proceeded to block him on WhatsApp and Instagram to avoid any nasty, intense messages and confrontations. Cowardly, but essential for my sanity. I forgot to block him on Facebook even though I don't use it much anymore but earlier, I found a message from him on there saying, "you suck." I was expecting some long spool, begging me to take him back and that he loved me (as Italian men can be intense) but no, just simply, "you suck." How pathetic is that? What a waste of energy. I tried to handle the situation sensitively and with maturity and was very careful about what words I chose but he just proved to me how emotionally immature he is. Why can't men handle rejection, especially Italian men? Is it because they are supposedly the most sought after men in the world, due to their smouldering good looks and passionate demeanour? Is it a pride thing? Has his ego just been bruised? It is quite possibly all these things. What I have realised is, I made the right choice to walk away, from an Italian man, of all men and I feel nothing but a sigh of relief.

Maybe 'you suck' refers to the cowardly way in which you dumped him? I think people who don't break up with their partners in person - unless there are massively extenuating circumstances such as violence or significant physical distance - do suck a bit actually. I wouldn't want to be dumped by text after three months, it's disrespectful. Italian men aren't any more likely to be unable to deal with rejection than any other nationality of men - it's personality type and experience that determines resilience. Of course you bruised his ego and to be honest 'you suck' is a fairly mild response to your having dumped him via an interminably long text message, at Christmas time. What you did sucked.

This is utter guff from start to finish.

I mean, you did something very deliberately knowing that it would hurt - sending a message, however frilly, saying “you’re dumped” and then blocking him. You can’t really be that surprised that he’s wanted to hurt back. Dealing with rejection is hard for pretty much everyone, and certainly if that rejection comes with a side order of the person doing the rejecting having very obviously had the benefit of time and headspace to come to term with things, which the person receiving the rejection hasn’t.

The relationship wasn’t going to work out, it’s better for both of you that it’s ended, but if you continually experience enough men (and Italian men) not handling it well when you break up with them to post about “why can’t men handle rejection” there’s possibly some reflecting for you to do on whether trying to approach break ups differently would avoid the way you’re feeling now.

By sending a txt and blocking him prior to that you disconnected in a deliberately harsh way.
Why did you not speak to him in person? It's as if you wanted a fight or to hurt him.

He’s right! Sending a long ‘you’re dumped’ message and then blocking him is really sucky behaviour!

This guy had all the hallmarks of an abusive man - "He was also quite jealous and asked if he should be jealous when I hung out with male friends. I later discovered he was into gambling and spent quite a bit of time at casinos. He said it was under control but as we know, those things can slowly develop into addictions. He also kept pushing the topic of children so early on and wouldn't allow our relationship to breathe and progress naturally, at a slower pace"

He was pushing boundaries and not listening, that's WHY OP broke up with him.

A guy like this is INEVITABLY going to become abusive on hearing that their target is escaping them. It doesn't matter how kindly the target frames her decision to end things with him. Most women have had this. Christ, we even get it in the street: "Smile!" and when you don't smile, the next thing is, "You're a fucking ugly bitch anyway"

Women are not obliged to put up with abuse when they decide to discontinue a relationship.

Nor do they have to keep the conversation channels open so that the guy can wheedle and lovebomb and press on the guilt and obligation buttons.

You did the right thing, OP.

I don't think anyone really likes being rejected to be honest. Its quite gutting. At least he didn't throw all of his toys out of the pram or start stalking you.

She put all of that extra 'information' in there to mitigate the fact that she dumped him in an awful way. She set up the post so that posters would feel that he was terrible and deserved to be rejected in the way that she did. It's classic. Plus did you miss the double diss on Italian men? Gross.

Its rather odd to tag men with being sensitive to rejection when everyone hates it. But its not wrong to end a brief relationship over text or email. Its not a negotiation and its not a continuing relationship. Its an end. And women risk abuse when they end relationships.(Men too of course). OP was sensible to end and block. He won’t get more closure arguing with her in any event so he isn’t more harmed by her blocking him.

You dumped him by text and blocked him. It is sucky behaviour.

But you do suck. And you know it. You chose the cowardly shitty way to end it knowing it was sucky but you felt “essential to sanity”. If that’s the case op just own it, shrug your shoulders and accept that yes, in this breakup you do indeed suck. Ah well, needs must and life keeps going. Your reaction here, handwringing over how emotionally immature he is, how his ego must be bruised, etc etc- it’s you that comes across as somewhat sensitive to rejection.

I don't know why you think that one experience outlined here equals "men cannot" as a plural generalisation. Then a second generalisation, "especially Italian men."

We could equally ask, why can't women end relationships in a more caring manner? But basing it on just one person, you, this wouldn't be right. Every person and situation is different.

You instantly blocked someone who had not done a thing wrong. You must have liked him a whole lot ... not. Why were you even dating someone you clearly had no respect for?

You also behaved far from "handled it sensitively and maturely." You already said you just texted him, then blocked him. His response of two words was more mature; it said what he felt to it, but wasted no emotional energy on someone who dismissed him so easily.

Dumping someone by text then blocking them isn’t being sensitive and mature - it’s cowardly and immature.

Don't give it any more headspace. You ended things badly he reacted childishly - just move on

I don’t think your being condescending will help the OP.