First up, I apologise for the length of my post.
But details are important, I know.
Myself F52 & my partner M39 have been together for 7 years. We are from 2 different cultures, myself English & him Algerian.
When we met I was not in a good place mentally & health wise. I was separated from my abusive gambling addicted husband with 4 sons.
I met my partner on a dating app & he kept messaging me & wouldn't give up until we had a date.
i was over 3 hours late for this first date as I fell asleep after gym & woke up to multiple missed calls & messages. Ultimately I called him back & he told me he would wait for me. Which he did bless him. Upon meeting me he took my arm in his & said let's get you a drink & some food.
I told him everything negatively that had gone on in my life & he didnt flinch. He made sure i had a great time & we set a second date.
A few months later we spent 2 weeks in Cornwall together & fell in love there.
My partner helped me in every possible way, he helped get me driving again despite getting lost & having many panic attacks, he also got me out in the world going to the cinema, meals out, picnics etc.
I could not have done any of these things without him & his patient support.
For the first 4 years we were extremely happy. We had moved in together when the first lockdown happened.
We got his immigration status sorted out & he could then work. Now I had financially supported us through the immigration application, as he was not allowed to work.
Which was fine.
The troubles started once he got a job & started earning. I gave him 3 months to get into his new job before I approached him about sharing the finances 50/50.
As we had previously spoken about this & he always spoke about supporting me once that time came.
So as I said i approached him about sharing the bills, rent & shopping. I did not include my car as I saw that as my responsibility.
That chat about finances did not go down well at all. He actually got angry with ne for bringing it up. As he said he needed to save money to go home & see his family & that he also needed to buy a bike.
I understood what he was saying, but to my mind it was time for him to step up & help me. As after 4 years he was taking my paying for everything for granted!!
Which i also understood as he had gotten used to being taken care of without any responsibility at all.
Well we argued many times over this until he begrudgingly gave me £400 a month for 3 months. This was no where close to what I had asked him for.
So the arguments continued & he got more & more aggressive towards me. Then he started to smash our home up on multiple occasions. He also abused me emotionally, verbally & mentally as well as threatening to hit me.
He became out of control.
Until the day he was in the kitchen shouting at me & waving a knife around whilst saying horrible things.
I left & walked to the police station & asked for advice on protecting myself. I wouldn't give my details or anything.
I went a second time to the police station after another bad argument one in which he tore my jumper around my neck & made threatening arm movements as into punch me.
I sill refused to give my details but the police found me by using a picture.
The police turned up the next morning & arrested my partner & he was held in the cells all day long.
They let him go as I refused to say anything.
Then came that last argument, one in which he smashed my phone by throwing it through the bathroom window whilst we were in the garden. He totally lost the plot & i had a smashed window & phone to deal with.
This time I told him to leave my home, so I had him move out in July this year.
I thought that giving him time & space on his own, he would see what life was like without ne in it.
As you can guess that did not work.
He has been up & down quite a bit. Changing from anger to coming around with a takeaway for us both. I have repeatedly tried to talk to him to try to find out why he's being so angry especially as we spent the first 4 years in a loving relationship.
He either shuts down, talks over me or is very nice to me, all depending on his mood.
I have spent a lot of my time on myself, standing on my own 2 feet & doing all the jobs that he used to do or help with.
So I got stronger. I have changed. But I truly missed him.
At the beginning of December I spoke with him about trying again, as in dating each other & taking it slowly. He took this to mean that he could move back in from his as he called it his shi**y room.
This wasn't what I meant & told him so. Slowly meant no moving back in yet.
I had him to come stay a few times. For Christmas as I had no family at all coming to see me I had made arrangements with a mate back in November to spend Christmas day with them.
I wasn't going to ket my mate down just because we were going to start dating again.
I told my partner what my plans were, that I was going out on December 23 & 24 to parties & that I had a guest for the 25 & that he was to come on the 26 & spend the whole day with me.
Well he turned up on the morning of the 25. Which surprised me. I explained to him he had the wrong date & that tomorrow the 26 was our day (he is Muslim & doesn't celebrate Christmas). So he left.
The next morning I went to town & bought meat for our roast dinner that day.
I then waited all day indoors for him.
He did not show up.
I was absolutely gutted.
Around 21.00pm he sent me a few messages asking if I was sleeping & that he was going home from work.
I did not reply.
On the 27 December he knocks on my door & acts like nothing has happened.
I said to him you came a day early & then a day late!!!! He said he was working & that he had said so in his messages to me.
I showed him all his messages & asked him to show me where it said that. He couldn't as his messages said he would be over at 10.00am on the 26.
After he left i got really upset & messaged him saying that he had let me down & that it felt like he was punishing me by not showing up on the 26 because I had asked him to leave on the 25.
Well that message upset him & he sent message after message all saying not nice things.
Which really upset me but I didn't reply to any of them.
Today he brought back my spare phone as he was done with me this time.
Yet he brought with him a new phone that he asked me to set up for him.
I was a little in disbelief especially after all his messages the night before.
So I told him to set up his own phone & not to use me.
We then argued before he sat down & started talking about how he felt & how he saw things & this time he listened to my side.
Now I don't know what to do.
I know for my own sanity that I should just let him go now, but I am still in love with him.
Its hard to let go.........