To just give up on them

[Whattodo97]

I have had a very difficult childhood, my dad was an alcoholic and my mum got divorced from him when I was 5.
My mum then met a new partner and we moved away from our town.
Mums new partner was abusive towards me, he would physically assault me, call me names and send me to my room for whole days without food or drink.
My mum did know but did not do a thing to stop it.

We did move back to out home town a few years later and my mum did split from this man, but she got with another and decided she was going to run of with him and leave me home alone aged 11 which resulted in me being put into care.

Any how im in my 40s now and have a family of my own, my dad passed away a few years ago and my mum is in a carehome.
I don't have any relationships with them but did say good bye to my dad when he died and do see my mum about once a year but don't feel any love for them (that was the way I have protected myself).

I did have a good relationship with my foster mum but she looking back wasnt great and I always felt that I was being used for extra money.

This is really about my foster mum and extended family that I am in contact with.

I have tried so hard to develop a relationship with my extended family (Aunts and cousins) like texting or trying to meet up, same with my foster mum in keeping a relationship.

But its always we will soon, my husband went behind my back to do a party to get everyone together and my foster mum totally ignored him (he has only just told me which I wish he didnt now) and this is resulting in me thinking should I just let them go?
My foster parent has loads of pictures of me which I would of like as I have none from being a child and they say they will bring them when we do meet up but again thats been 15 years since I've asked.

There on my social media and it makes me feel real crap when I see pics of them and again with my actual extended family with there families all happy and im not included.
Which I know I don't have that right, I just think for my own mental health is best to delete them but im worried I will regret it.

Oh OP I wish that I could just give you a soft hug here, that is a lot and I am sorry. Hope you dont take it as condescending, I never went into foster care, but I was past around and have a complex family as well.

You mention you have your own family now, so you probably wonder how you were treated like that. I do. Although different, no alcoholism, but estrangement and lack of care had a huge impact on me.
An old childhood friend reached out to me just before Christmas, and she sent me a few pictures of us when we were younger, and it really hit me hard because it was such a difficult time back then, but then seeing the pictures I noticed I am smiling and happy on all of them. So it was like closure in a way, that I was not miserable all the time.

What would happen if you did ask again for a copy of the pictures of you from when you were in foster care? Would it be hard to look at those pictures now if you got them?

What would be your ideal scenario regarding the foster family? Contact? Or would you just mention you have your own DC now and would like them to see what you were like when you were younger? Apologies for the rambling

I am pretty happy to just have the pictures, I would of like to have some sort of relationship with my foster family.
But if they don't want that for what ever reason then Im not going to be that person to make a scene.

Same with my actual extended family, I feel im being penalised for being my parents child and it hurts.

But for my mental health perhaps it would be kinder to me to let it go, I mean its been a long time trying so they clearly are not bothered.

And yes having my own children somehow makes it worse as I would never do to them what they did to me.

Thank you for your reply, sometimes just writing it down and having someone to listen makes a difference.