Feeling down

[Sunflowerinmygarden]

Hello and a happy new year (almost).

Im feeling quite down and struggling to find that balance between my living arrangments and what is now starting to get to me.
Me and my husband married 8 months ago and unfortunatley we still cant live together -hes a home owner mortgage of a 2 bedroom house with his 18 year old daughter who is now at uni. Whereas I rent off my mum in a tiny 2 bed with my 14 year old daughter 1 mile away.
Im claiming UC to cover the rent so i can pay my mum.(she doesnt live with me and has never lived in the house only ever rented it as an investment) she owns her own home 3 miles away which she lives in)
I have 2 part time jobs I just about earn over the UC AET and work 27 hours a week. Seems like we will never get a place of our own and im worried its getting me down, I cant see a way out of it. My husband is 56 and wont sell his house and he said he wont beable to get another mortgage at his age for a 3 bedroom house. Im 47 and getting to old,.plus I dont earn enough to save.
I want to come off UC and looking for higher paid jobs but im not getting very far. Im very down and feel like a failure. 🥹

Why can’t you move into his?

Or he rents his out and you rent somewhere bigger together?

You can get a mortgage: I’m your age and have got one for a (shockingly) long term recently. So I’d be asking a few more questions about why he can’t get a mortgage.

Did you not discuss what the plan for where to live was before you got married?

My husband only has a 2 bedroom. He needs to keep his daughters bedroom for when she comes homes from uni. There would be no room for my own daughter if we moved in. She cant share a small room with is daughter.

We did discuss this 3 years ago, and I was ok with it, but as time has gone on its bothering me.

The house he owns belonged to his ex the mother of his child as she cheated on him and left him heartbroken and wanted to stay put with his daughter. So he brought her out and took on the mortgage hes self employed. At the time the mortgage broker he knew bent the rules and managed to set up a special mortage for self employed. Now his earnings are much less as that was 17 years ago. He now thinks he will struggle to get a mortgage.

Ok but if you’re each paying for a 2 bed house can’t you rent a 3 bed house together?

He can keep his house and rent it out.

I think being together but living apart isn’t so bad neither of the children have a change in their lives or have to live with a step parent which can sometimes cause problems especially at their ages. Things will move on in the years to come. His daughter will end up getting her own home and yours will go to uni or gain her independence in other ways and you will end up living together . You have stable accommodation and so does he, there’s nothing stopping you seeing each other when you want. I would actually like this situation tbh but I’m sorry you’re feeling down .

I have suggested this many times to him. But he said he needs to keep his house as his daughter needs security. She wont adapt to change.